Hospice

Today I visited with my patient. The patient was in pants and a tee-shirt. It is a good sign they feel better. It is so rewarding to sit and talk with my patient. The three hours I spend in their home just flies by. After the spouse leaves we talk awhile and then the patient ask for strawberries. I fix some for the patient and they always ask me to fix some for myself. We sit enjoying our strawberries and share our stories. The simple act of sharing some strawberries helps my patient feel as if they are still a part of the world. They are able to have a social time and to show their hospitality.

The Old Bridge

This old bridge holds many memories for me. Years ago our family would cross this bridge on our way into Memphis to see my grandparents and relatives. Daddy crossed the bridge on his way to work and so did I when I started working.

Twenty five or more years ago there were improvements made to the road along with giving it a new direction. The bridge was closed to traffic.

Brent was raised in the city, but had the heart of a country boy. He loved living in the country. The first couple of years that Brent and I were married we went fishing together, or Brent and my brother-in-law would go fishing or hunting. When Brent and Ronnie would go coon hunting my sister, Grace, and I would take turns going to each others house. We'd stay up until the boys got home from hunting. Sometimes it would be 2-3 am. We spent the time playing Scrabble, drinking coffee, cooking, watching TV, talking or cleaning house. My sister taught me how to cook those coons. It taste very much like beef roast. It is excellent cooked with sweet potatoes and gravy. Even our dogs, Bob (Grace & Ronnie's blue tick hound) and Tandy (our lab & pit bull mix), were the best of friends. They both went hunting with Brent and Ronnie.

Ronnie grew up in the area and knew all the places to hunt and fish. Brent and Ronnie were always on the lookout for new places to fish or hunt. The old bridge had a new job. It became the perfect fishing pier. One evening Brent, myself, Ronnie and Grace went fishing off the old bridge. We had chaise lounge chairs, a cooler of drinks, and a lot of fishing poles. Brent and Ronnie set out all the poles and dropped them in water. There were small bells on the poles. When we got a bite the bells would ring a small soft sound. We were after catfish. We sat there from sunset to about 3 am. It was a wonderful time. There is never much traffic on that road and after midnight I don't remember seeing or hearing any cars. We were relaxed, talking and having a great evening.























This photo, taken about 1983, is of Tandy on the right and her son, Bear. They were our children before Anna was born.

The next photo is of my brother-in-law, Ronnie, taken about 1983 with his dog, Bob, and some of the coon hides. Unlike most owners of hunting dogs, Ronnie raised his hunting dogs in his home. He never put them in pens only to be brought out at hunting time.

The last photo, taken in August 1982, is of Brent's catch from the pond on the back of the property. We ate good that night and had some to put in the freezer too!

Wonderful Comments About Brent

The photo above was taken in 2004 at Turkey Track Bluegrass Park in Waldron, Arkansas. We would go three times a year for about 10-11 days. Brent picked with his buddies for hours at a time 2-3 times a day. He loved it.

I'm posting comments from some of the emails that I have received this week. I'll put them in quotations and will keep the name of the person who sent the email private. I wanted to share how much Brent was loved and well thought of.

"I watched it all tonight. I loved that crazy guy and as I said before........I may never delete this ........some great shots.........of a great guy..........he will never die in our hearts and those of us who remain can only hope to live the kinda lives that make people feel about us the way we do Brent."

"Thank you for sharing this. When I first received it, I didn't open it right away, and I had to get in the right frame of mind to do so. I considered Brent a good friend, even though we didn't get to see each other that often. When we did, we had a ball. I loved Brent, and I trust that God is giving you and yours peace."

"I saw your slide show of Brent, it was so fun to see the early pictures of Brent. And so heartwarming to see him with each of the kids. (I thought you were a lovely bride) I know you have many happy memories. Hold tight to them. . .they will become more precious. Your entire family has been on my mind all weekend. We love and miss seeing you all."

"We went out to see Brent yesterday. It is such a pretty place. We sure do miss him."

"That was beautiful! I think about him all of the time, but I love to remember him in pictures...larger than life and lovin' you and the kids so much. He talked about that all of the time...you had a spell on him. I always thought that was how I wanted my husband to talk about me when I wasn't around. Wonderful.""I remember the first time I met Brent and there was just something about him that was special. He was a loving husband, loving father and a good example to all of us, even until the end. He never gave in to the anger and he always showed us how to overcome obstacles that sometimes can't be overcome...you have to put your faith in God and He will lead you. I admire
you and the kids for keeping Brent with us. You are an amazing woman and a great inspiration. I can see him now, smiling and thinking how proud he is of how you have carried on in his name. Thanks for sharing the pictures of his life and keep up the Lord's work. We will all sing together one day in heaven. May God bless you, Helen, and the kids. What a way to be remembered! He left quite a legacy and I am just glad we were able to meet all of you and share a part of your life."

"Thank you Helen. That made me laugh and cry. I sure do miss him."

"Thank you for sending the picture blog to me . I've had Brent on my mind along with the rest of you for several days. I was mowing the grass yesterday, that's when I unwind and just let my mind wander on it's own. My mind was filled with thoughts of Brent and all the conversations he and I had and the times we had together. I'm not much on show or expressing my emotions but I must tell you that I miss that man badly. I regret that I didn't have the chance to meet him earlier in life. But I do cherish the time I did have. Meeting him and you had an impact on my life that will go with me forever."

"I thought about him all day on Saturday. I knew it would be a tough day for you and we will certainly visit your blog. I can still hear him singing. We miss him and want you to know how much we loved him and still love your whole family."

"WOW...I'm wip'in away tears. He did more than most folks could ever dream of doing in his shortened life."

Brent and Cheeseburgers

The photo on the left is of Molly Elizabeth Campbell Davis, their son Louie, I mean, Santa, and Lancy Warren Davis. The half body is of Brent.

Brent loved eating cheeseburgers. He always liked to tell the story about the time he stayed with his grandfather, Lancy Warren Davis. Brent was young, under the age of 10. If I remember correctly, Uncle Don was in the hospital. Brent's grandmother, Molly Elizabeth Campbell Davis, was staying with Uncle Don, her son, in the hospital. Brent went to stay with his grandfather as company while Don and his grandmother were at the hospital. PawPaw, (Lancy) ask Brent what he wanted to eat that week. Brent told him he wanted to eat cheeseburgers and drink a coke everyday. They ate cheeseburgers and drank coke everyday!

Brent never got tired of eating them. At least once a week, Brent would grill them and I would on very rare occasions fry them. After Brent's death I noticed the mustard was lasting at least 6 months instead of a month and the pickles were not being eaten. I haven't bought pickles since before Brent died. I realized after his death that the kids and I were not eating cheeseburgers. The kids and I like them but we never think about having them. This week we've had cheeseburgers several times!

Brent

One year ago today, May 05, 2007 I lost my husband Brent to leukemia. We would have been married 26 years on May 16, 2007. The kids and I, his family and friends have missed him. He was a hard working man who loved and enjoyed his family. This week I will be showing you his life in photos. I have so many photos and it takes awhile to scan them. I will add slide shows during the week. I hope you will enjoy them.

My oldest daughter, Anna, and I were talking about him this evening. Our greatest time of saddest comes for both of us when we see MLG&W trucks. He worked for the utility company, MLG&W, for 19 years. He spent 3 years trying to get a job with them. I remember the day the lady from personal called to tell us he had the job. I cried tears of joy. It was in January of 1988. He was going to have to drive into town and do all the paperwork that was required. The Memphis area rarely gets snow, but that year there was about a foot of snow on the ground. We were so happy, yet apprehensive about his having to drive in that snow. He had been doing carpentry work for about 1-2 years trying to make ends meet. He and my brother-in-law, Ronnie, would go hunting and fishing to bring meat home. We also raised rabbits for meat, and had a vegetable garden. Our landlord had guineas and I'd gather the eggs. There were pear, apple and pecan trees on the property too. To help pay the rent he worked out a deal with our landlord to paint the houses on the property. Getting that job at MLG&W was a wonderful blessing. He worked the first 10 years on second shift. He was a mechanic for about 17 years and then transferred to the gas department. He worked at MLG&W and I worked at home caring for our children.

When I see those MLG&W trucks there are so many memories that come flooding back. He worked hard to support his family and never complained. He was the kind of man who could fix things at home. When the dryer didn't work he could repair it. He could till the soil for a garden, hunt and fish, repair our automobiles, build anything out of wood, and most importantly he was the spiritual leader of our home. Those trucks represent his willingness to work hard, to love, support, and care for his family.

Tinkertoys

"It is a happy talent to know how to play."

Ralph Waldo Emerson
American writer
1803-1882

Tinkertoys have provided wonderful imaginative playtime for many children in their 95 year history. The inventor of Tinkertoys was Charles Hamilton Pajeau, born August 18, 1875, the son of Joseph and Mary Pajeau. In the 1900 Federal census dated June 07th he and his wife, Grace Fuller Pajeau, were living with his parents in Hyde Park in Chicago, Cook Co., Ill. They were in the granite business. Stories abound that after watching children at play with sticks, pencils and spools of thread Charles was inspired to make the Tinkertoys. He introduced the toys at the 1913 American Toy Fair in New York. They were overlooked at the fair, so Charles took them to New York City. He made deals with the managers of two drug stores to sell his Tinkertoys. Charles built a Tinkertoy windmill and set it in the display window of the drugstore. Using electric fans to power the windmills, it was to much to resist. One location sold 1500 sets in 5 days. Within a year of introducing Tinkertoys he had sold between 900,000 - 1 million sets. Charles' World War I Draft Registration Card list his occupation as a manufactuer. His employers name "The Toy Tinker". Reports are that he had a partner, Robert Petit, who designed the canister that held the Tinkertoys.

My brother, Joe, had a set of Tinkertoys. My mother kept them in a box saving them for the day my brother would have a son of his own. The Tinkertoys are still here at our house. When he was about 9 years old he entered a Tinkertoy contest and won for the State of Tennessee with his moon rover model. Although Tinkertoys were thought of as toys for young boys, girls find them interesting also.

Earlier in the day I heard usual noises coming from Abigail's room. I thought it might be her guinea pig, Rose, rustling around in her cage. The noise persisted. It was Abigail. She was at her desk playing with the Tinkertoys. I left her to her project. It was later that I found out she had built something I haven't seen built with Tinkertoys. A canopy bed for her doll!

Charles Hamilton Pajeau was one of many toys inventors in the State of Illinois. He was one of many who helped make the Chicago area famous for their toy industry. Over the years there have been several changes in Tinkertoys with color being added in the 1950's, the company was sold to Playskool in 1985, redesigned in 1992 for their 80th anniversary and now the wooden toys have gone to plastic. Tinkertoys have been honored at the National Toy Hall Of Fame. Through all those changes one thing hasn't changed. Children still love to create with their hands what their minds dream of.

Resources:

http://www.strongmuseum.org/NTHoF/NTHoF.html

http://inventors.about.com/library/inventors/bltinkertoy.htm

http://toys.about.com/od/hotnewtoyreleases/a/toyhalloffame2_4.htm

http://www.hasbro.com/default.cfm?page=ci_history_tinkertoy

http://chicagohistory.org/static_media/pdf/historylab/CHM-historylabPc01.pdf

1900 Federal Census, Hyde Park, Chicago, Cook Co., Ill

World War I Draft Registration Card

Deep Hollow Bluegrass Plays at Young's Deli

Tonight (Tuesday) I went to see and hear "Deep Hollow Bluegrass" play at Young's Deli. The band plays the kind of bluegrass I like to hear. Traditional with a contemporary sound. The band consist of Bobby Williams-banjo, Steve Craig-upright bass, Lee Fiorinelli-fiddle, Matt Crockett-guitar and Jason Hayes-mandolin. I have only recently met Bobby and Jason. My husband, Brent, was in two bands with Steve. The first was Brush Arbor, Brent played guitar and Steve played bass. The second was Brent's band, Loosahatchie Grass. Steve played bass and Brent played mandolin and some guitar. Steve is one of the hardest working bluegrassers around. He plays in two bands, Deep Hollow and Single Tree. He also plays with other bands when they need a fill in bass player. Brent picked with Lee at local pickin's. In July of 2002 Matt was playing at a local jam the first night Brent went to hear bluegrass. Matt was playing with 3 other guys that Tuesday night. Brent was on fire when he came home from that pickin'. The next Tuesday night I went with Brent and we stood there for 3 hours listening to Matt and these other guys play. Several months ago I drove nearly two hours to listen to Deep Hollow play in Como, MS. It was the first time I'd heard them play. I spent most of the night with tears in my eyes. The songs they played were the ones Brent sang all the time. Tonight I enjoyed the show and shed no tears. They sang 'How Mountain Girls Can Love', 'Rough Edges', 'When You Go Wakin' After Midnight', some of my favorites that Brent sang. It felt good to have happy memories of Brent. Thank you Deep Hollow. I look forward to seeing and hearing them again.

To hear samples of their music visit: http://www.myspace.com/deephollow63

Upright Bass

Brent would come home everyday after work and play bluegrass music for several hours. He'd mostly play mandolin, but would sometimes play guitar. Many times he would sing and play the same song all night long trying to learn the best way to pick and sing it. I miss listening to him play and sing. Oh, I have 100's of bluegrass CD's I can listen to, but it's just not the same as hearing it live. He tried to teach me how to play the upright bass, but I seemed to never find the time to practice.

Occasionally, I will have a bluegrass pickin' at my house. I fix a big pot of something to eat and hope someone shows up. If no one shows up at least I have a clean house and supper ready at 6PM. Last night Eddie, Angie and their son, James, stopped by as well as my neighbor Tony. I mentioned that I still had Brent's bass. Tony and Eddie told me I needed to go get and play it. I told them I couldn't play, but they said it didn't matter. Just try it. They were patient with me and encouraged me to keep on playing. Abigail wanted to try too. She and I both had a great time because we were participants. I suppose if I'm going to try to play bass, I should learn at least one song. Oh, the thought of it curls my hair! I'd rather stand in front of an audience of 1000's and talk rather than sing. It's always better to have someone sing along rather than just have someone pick all night. Eddie sings and Tony will. Angie has a nice voice and sang a few too. My experience has been that bluegrass pickers are all about you trying. They'll help you learn and are always encouraging. What do I have to loose? If I can get up in front of all those folks at Tae Kwon Do surely I can sing a song!

During the five years that Brent picked bluegrass I saw him go from not knowing how to play to being in three different bands. He loved bluegrass music and the people who played it. If I could learn to pick and play bluegrass music it would be another wonderful way to remember him. He would be pleased!

Happy Birthday Anna

My little girl was 24 years old on Saturday, March 22, 2008. She and Mike came over for supper. Anna has grown into a lovely young woman. She's always loved animals and is now a manager of a grooming salon. She enjoys her work. She has an avid interest in photography, owns 4 dogs, about 15 birds and a horse. She and Mike are getting married in June.
Abigail baked Anna some chocolate chip cookies and surprised her with them.

Snow

Snow? In the Memphis area we know about snow we just happen to not get it very often. Some of our biggest snowfalls have been in March. We did have one in early April about 1987 or 1988. Anna was just a little girl. The apple tree was in full bloom.



This snow storm started about 1 PM. I thought we would end up with about 2 inches. The temperature was dropping and my mind started to change after a couple of hours. I was surprised by my reaction to the snow. As a wife and mother I had mixed feelings about the snow. I used to be concerned about Brent driving to work in the snow and the fact the children always wanted to go in out all day long. Wet clothes every where, thinking about all the extra laundry and if I needed to drive somewhere. Now, there is no worry about Brent driving in the snow, the children are older and don't go in and out all day and I don't have to drive anywhere. By 6:30 PM the wind was blowing hard and the snow kept on coming. It was going to be a beautiful snow. A snow that would cover the ground completely like having a soft fluffy white down comforter on your bed.





By 8:30 AM the next morning there was a beautiful yard outside. Picture perfect in my mind. I took some photographs to remember the beauty that was before me. The temperature was rising and by afternoon it would all be gone. I'm not sure how much snow we did have. At least 4 inches

Tae Kwon Do, New Belts for Abigail and Helen

The anticipation had been building all week. I was going to test for my yellow belt on Friday, March 14, 2008. I was getting nervous and was not ready to get out on that red carpet in front of everyone. What would everyone think about that old fat woman testing for a Tae Kwon Do yellow belt? Reluctantly, I wrote the check and paid for Abigail and I both to test. Some of the mothers of the other children were very supportive and told me I could do it. My thoughts were all consumed with what are "they" going to think. The drive to Tae Kwon Do took forever. Unsure of what my kicking combos were, I drilled Abigail the whole way there. She was reassuring and told me I would do just fine.

Avoiding the red carpet I sat down for a little while talking with the other mothers. They were encouraging me and said they would root me on. I found another distraction when I found out one of the students in the class was the son of a graduate from my high school. He and I caught up on over 35 years of our respective life stories. Abigail finally came for me and said it was time to warm up and practice my kicking combos. Before I knew it, the time had come for all students to line up. Our instructor, Mr. Wiggins, spoke to us asking how we were and reminding us of how hard we had worked the past two months. As a group we had to go through our drills of stretching splits, punches and leg lifts. We also seem to do a lot of sitting down and getting back up and sitting back down. By the time I get off the floor to stand the other students have already been up and down a couple of times. I just keep on going and doing the best I can. Doing your best is what is important.
These past two months have proven to me that I have more in me than I thought. The strength in my legs and arms has gotten much stronger. I realized it the other day when I had to bend down to the bottom of the refrigerator and look for something that was all the way in the back. In the photo on the left I'm doing a butterfly stretch. When I was younger my knees would be touching the floor. I wonder how long it will take for me to be able to get my knees on the floor? I notice that I sleep better and have a livelier step. One of the reasons I signed up was to get in shape. I'll admit there are pains in my knees that I'm not to fond of. They'll get better the more I work.
After doing my white pattern before the Black belt judges it was time for those dreaded kicking combos. My partner was fellow student and parent, Chris. Side kick, side kick reverse punch. That means I have to kick sideways with the top of my foot and before I let my leg down to the floor I must kick once again all the while keeping my balance. Oh, man! Holding my legs up for that short amount of time seems like an eternity when I'm doing it! It was over before I knew it. Our group, white belts through purple belts were finished and now it was time to sit and watch the higher belts break their boards. It's amazing to watch those little kids break boards.

Abigail and I received our new belts. She is now a blue belt which means she gets sticks! She's very excited about that. I'm a yellow belt. There will be new patterns for each of us to learn. After it was all over I realized that while I was out on the red carpet I wasn't thinking about what everybody thought about me. I was concentrating on what I needed to do. I really did enjoy the evening. I shook the hands of my instructors and told them I had enjoyed it. I felt it from the bottom of my heart.

Self defense, self confidence and exercise were why I signed up. I've gained them all and it feels good. You're never to old and you can teach an old dog new tricks! The embarrassment I felt before is gone. I'm doing something good for myself. Now, what's keeping you from doing something you've wanted to do?

Hospice

I visited with the caregiver today as my patient was sleeping. It is the art of small talk that makes things go smoothly. You listen, you laugh, you share your own stories and it all comes together to give the family some respite from the day to day living.

My job as a volunteer is not to change their lives or circumstances but, it is to give comfort for the long days ahead. Caring for a loved one who is in their last days can be all consuming. There is no rest for your body or your mind. The diversions of a volunteer are welcome relief.

Today as I was leaving the caregiver hugged me and thanked me for making them feel better. It is rewarding to know that simple gestures and small talk can make a difference in someone's life.

Hospices across America need your help. If you feel uncomfortable sitting with a patient perhaps you could volunteer in their office. I'm sure they could find a way to use the talents you have. Consider volunteering your time.

I came away today feeling encouraged.

A Cold Morning Walk

Abigail asked me to go for a walk Tuesday morning. It was about 34 degrees. There was a light, almost invisible snow falling. We walked up the long driveway taking small steps because of Sidney, the cat. He likes to walk right at your feet. Our yellow lab, Roscoe was also along for the walk. We saw some bluebirds and juncos. There were new buds on some of the trees. New life, new beginnings, spring is almost here! The field is full of clover which the deer love to eat. We see them sometimes in the early morning or a night. There are usually about 5-6 of them.

Abigail and I didn't stay out long. The temperature seemed colder than we thought. The kind of cold that is wet and bone chilling.

Just as we got to the end of the driveway there was some wind blowing through these pine trees. What a lovely sound. The sound of wind blowing through pines trees stops me in my tracks. Perhaps because we can't see air it's appealing listening to it whistle through pine needles.

What memories will our children have when we are gone? My children have taught me that the small moments we think are in insignificant mean the most to them. Spending time taking walks, having conversations, holding hands, hugs and kisses, listening to their ideas and thoughts, supporting their interest, preparing those specials meals, taking a drive around the community, teaching them to deal with people mean the most. They will cherish those memories. These memory making moments have nothing to do with money, but have to do with our time. Compared to a life time, their young lives are very short. The time you spend with them in their youth will last them a lifetime.

Dinner With the Children

Anna and Mike came over for a family dinner. Anna asked me to fix Pork Chops, Country Fried Potatoes, Lima Beans and Cornbread. I threw in an Organic Baby Spring Mix Salad for good measure! It's nice to have the children all together for some conversation, some laughs and catching up a news.




Mike and Anna have set their wedding date for June 07, 2008.