Loss of Loved Ones

Sunday I went to the viewing for the son of one of my bluegrassin' friends. I've been to several funerals and viewings since Brent's death. On the drive from home to the funeral I always contemplate the losses I have experienced and how their lives affected mine. Today was harder than most. A young man of only 34, Bobby was a son, brother, husband, and father. My heart is burdened for his wife and two young sons. I wish I could take away their pain and sorrow, but know that only God's grace and the love and support from their family and friends will see them through the tough weeks and months ahead.

Growing up in a Southern Baptist Church funerals were a common occurrence. I attended many funerals. But, it was not until the death of my maternal grandmother, Reba Sally Shirley Berry, that I felt a personal loss. I was only 12 and was at the doctor's office when the call came that she had died. I cried and let out all my tears that day. Twelve years later, in 1978, my maternal grandfather, Woodall O'Kuykendall Berry, died. He had lived with us 10 years and the last year of his life I didn't visit. He didn't know anyone and was curled in a fetal position that last year. I didn't want to be around him. I cried tears of guilt for not visiting him.

My mother, Shirley May Berry Currie, died in 1993. This was the first time I experienced the deep and sorrowful death of someone I loved dearly. A brain aneurysm had put her in ICU for 4 months. I couldn't believe my mother was gone. I cried for months for the loss of my mother, the one who nursed me as an infant, who cared for me and loved me. I missed not being able to call her for a recipe or tell her about the bird I just saw on the bird feeder. I missed touch her.

Katherine Irene Shirley Davis, our "Katie" was still born December 28, 1996. Her life had been in my womb. She never knew the sorrows and heartaches of this world.

My father, Joe Monroe Currie, Sr. died November 10, 2006. I haven't shed a tear, not one tear for my father. He was a great father, dependable, open minded, thoughtful, and yet stoic. When you read about Zeno of Citium, the Greek philosopher, you learn that his belief was that a wise man is free from passion and indifferent to grief or joy. Daddy's middle name should have been "austere". I loved him and honored him by being his caregiver until his death. He and I were complete opposites that is until his death. It was then that I was stoic about his death.

Six months following Daddy's death Brent died on May 05, 2007. You can read my other post about my loss of Brent.

Today I was thinking of all of them, remembering what each one had meant to me. What happens after you die? My faith says you will go to heaven or hell. But, what happens to those who are left behind? What will they remember about you? You were a great parent but not a wonderful mother or father. Are your loved ones left wondering how they are going to go on with life without you? Are there unresolved issues that your family will wonder about? Did you leave a godly heritage for your children? Has your family been taken care of financially?

The loved ones you leave behind will go on with their lives, make decisions for themselves, find jobs, and marry again. What is left? There will be memories of good and bad times, some papers and photos and a few personal items they have decided to keep.

Live each day as if it were your last, tell your loved ones how much you love them and how important they are to you. When you wake in the morning thank the Lord for His lovingkindness in giving you another day to be with them. Make memories that will last them the rest of their lives.

Shirley May Berry Currie

08 NOV 1922 - 27 FEB 1993, Today marks the 15th anniversary of my mother's death. It's hard to believe she's been gone that long. Momma was a pleasant woman ready to serve her family. For 20 years she worked as a Nurse's Aide at St. Joseph Hospital, on the third shift. While we were at school she was at home sleeping. By the time we made it home from school, she had already started dinner. Everything was made from scratch. Chicken 'n Dumplings, Pinto Beans and Cornbread, Lemon Meringue Pie with homemade crust, assorted cakes made from scratch, and just so we didn't get bored she would prepare something like Veal Parmesan. Every Sunday we had Pot Roast, Mashed Potatoes, a green vegetable and homemade rolls. The nurses on Momma's shift would say, "Currie why don't you just give them TV dinners?" The closest we ever came to having TV dinners were the times my Daddy would go out of town on business. Momma would have fried shrimp and frozen cream pies. It was exciting for us kids knowing we would get to eat those special treats! The three of us kids would sit down at the dinner table. She was taking the last of the shrimp out of the frying pan. She would count out the shrimp so that we each had the same portion. She was always fair.

After she retired her goal was to identify all the trees on the 52 acre property, to read a biography of each President, sew, and do volunteer work of some kind. She was a docent for the Memphis, TN Wonders Series, Catherine the Great and Splendors of the Ottoman Sultans.

She spoiled me after the birth of Anna and Samuel. She would come over everyday at 5 PM for about 2 weeks and bring a full course meal.

She was much beloved by her siblings. Being the oldest girl she was almost like a second mother to them.

I miss her when the spring comes. She enjoyed gardening and was always puttering around the yard, even enjoying mowing the lawn. She was a birdwatcher, great cook and loving grandmother too.

Katherine Irene Shirley Davis

The paragraph below was written by our friend J. T. Coleman. He was with us during the delivery of our third child, Katie. J. T. expresses in his own words, what my heart was feeling. I'm so glad that he took the time to write these words at the moment Katie was being born. It was written on the back of an envelope. (Helen)


As I sit here I contemplate all the things I'm witnessing. It's 2:05 am. Helen is in her later stages of labor. Brent & Grace are by her side. The baby has just been delivered & as the information had revealed our worst fears are confirmed she is stillborn. Nine months of waiting, worry, wondering are over. The hopes of a father & mother are gone, washed away with the death of their beautiful little girl. But even at this time the grace, mercy & strength of the Lord are evident. There is an understanding that this is only a physical death and that there will be a reunion in the heavens. I don't pretend to understand to understand why. I only know that we belong to God and I believe that his grace will carry this family through this tragedy. Even now I hear Brent and Helen saying God has a purpose in this even though it's not clear to us. Father, thank you for your comfort and mercy that will be needed in the days to come and thank you for caring for Katie and protecting her and keeping her until that special day her family is reunited with her. Thank you for caring for us, your children.

J. T. Coleman
Dec 28, 1996

Saying Goodbye To Barbara

Today I went to visit my friend, Barbara Bolding Timbs. She is on the far right of the photo in the skirt. She is in the hospital dying of cancer. I walked into the room and went to her bedside. She had a small smile for me. I told her I had come to tell her goodbye. She raised her arm to give me a hug. I leaned down and kissed her forehead, as she whispered goodbye and I love you. I ask her to tell Brent hello. I also told her I would ask her to tell him I miss him. But, Brent would be singing with the angels the praises of Jesus and he knows no sorrow and has no tears.

I certainly wish that David, her husband, and her children, Sharon, Beth, Lydia, Micah and Becca did not have to experience her dying. I do know that God will take care of them. He will give them mercy, peace and grace.

How do you say goodbye? You just say it. There is comfort for you, your friend and their family when you do.

We all like to attend weddings and visit when a baby is born. Those are joyous occasions. Let us not forget our friends and family when it is their time to die. As a Christian, dying is also a joyous occasion. It is our homecoming to our Lord Jesus Christ. Our hope is heaven.

Helen

Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His godly ones. Psalm 116:15