Brent

I've been thinking a lot about Brent these past few weeks. I suppose it's because it was this time of year that we were in Baltimore at Johns Hopkins Hospital. We were there from January to May of 2007. People ask me how did I do it. It was the grace of God that got me through each day. It was also the prayers from the saints and the support of friends and family. I knew it would only be for a season in my life. From March 2006 until November 2006 I cared for my Daddy. He was in the bed and had to taken care of 24/7. It was a decision that I will never regret. I had Brent's support as well as that of my sister, Grace. It was in June 2006 that we found out Brent had leukemia. I was a caregiver of the two most important men in my life. God prepared a path for me and I was ready. It's not something you choose, but you do it because it needs to be done.

The most stress I felt during that time was when I was trying to figure out how I was going to take care of Daddy here in Millington and be with Brent in Baltimore. Brent was supposed to fly to Baltimore on November 26, 2006. Daddy was weak and his time was near. Brent had to have a caregiver while he was at Johns Hopkins. JH stressed the importance of care giving during bone marrow transplants. The Lord was gracious and took Daddy on November 10th. I was free to be with Brent. The day Brent was to fly to Baltimore (November 26th) he wasn't feeling good. I called the transplant floor at JH and they told Brent not to come, but to see his doctor. Brent did and was admitted to the hospital here in Memphis. His leukemia had come back.

He was in the hospital from November 30th till December 21st, his birthday. So many friends came by to see him. They showed him their love, prayed for him, and supported our family. It was the first time I had to leave my children on their own. Many families are used to having their children let themselves in the house after school and wait until Mom and Dad get home from work. I had never been in that position. I would spend the night with Brent and leave my children alone at home. Of course, my sister lives next door and it's a short walk through the woods. Our oldest daughter, Anna, had moved back to Millington and she was able to check on the children. Samuel was 14 and Abigail was 8. I'd come home every couple of days and check on them. We talked on the phone and they could talk to Brent, but it wasn't the same. They could have stayed with Brent's parents, but they wanted the security of home. There were a few times when they would spend the night with Brent at the hospital. It is true that God never gives you more than you can bear. I guess it's how you choose to react to what He gives you.

Brent was out of the hospital and happy to be home. He put in a new sub floor in the bathroom, a toilet and tile. He was worn out, but happy to be doing something.

The first week in January 2007, Brent started feeling pain in his arms. I told him he had done to much work with the bathroom floor and that the metal rebar he had bought and lifted into and out of the truck had put a strain on his arms. He was also having trouble with his vision. He was scheduled to fly to Baltimore again on January 8th to proceed with his bone marrow transplant. On Saturday, January 6th all of his bluegrassin' friends had a Brent-A-Fit to raise money for him. Our friends, Cedar Hill Bluegrass, came down to play at his benefit. All his pickin' buddies who had bands performed. Brent played with all his former Loosahatchie Grass band members and with some of the other bands. He truly was overwhelmed at the out pouring of love that was being shown. He was in a lot of pain that day and his vision was horrible, but you wouldn't have known it. On Sunday the 7th he felt like something was really wrong. All he could say was, "I'm not calling them to tell them how I feel. I'm GOING to Baltimore for my transplant." He left on Monday and I was so worried about him. My brother, Joe, picked him up at the airport in Baltimore. My brother barely recognized him. Joe took him to the apartment. Brent called me and we talked a long while. The next morning he could barely get out of bed. He was confused. I felt helpless. I tried to help him by long distance by getting on the Internet and looking up numbers for taxi cabs. Frustrated, he finally he said he would walk. I told him to call as soon as he got to the hospital. It was about 15 minutes, but it seemed to take forever. His sister, Elizabeth, was at JH. She was his donor. He saw his doctor who had some test run and found that his leukemia came back in his spine and his brain. No wonder he felt so awful. I had planned to fly up with the children in a couple of weeks. I was going to get things settled at home and then we'd go up. I flew up on Wednesday the 10th and left my children alone again. This time Anna and Mike moved in and stayed with them for about 2-3 weeks until Brent's sister, Debbie, was able to fly with them to Baltimore. It was Samuel and Abigail's first time to fly.

The only person I knew in Maryland was my brother, Joe. He lived about an hour from Baltimore. He wasn't able to pick me up that day so I took a taxi. Because Brent's bluegrassin' friends had been so generous I was able to pay for the taxi ride. I had the driver take me directly to the hospital. Brent and I were so happy to see each other. I spent all day with him, but night fell and it was time for me to go the apartment. JH has a shuttle service and they were able to take me to the apartment. I walked up the steps to the apartment building not knowing what life would be like. There was no food, Brent had eaten the snack box left as a welcoming gift by the apartment. There was water and coffee. I would take the shuttle or walk the 3 blocks to the hospital. Only to be walked to in the day and NEVER at night. If Brent didn't eat his meals I would eat them. In the evenings when I left the hospital I would take a carton of milk and cereal from the food pantry, so I would have something to eat when I woke up the next morning. After a few days of getting adjusted to hospital life I learned where the cafeteria was. It was huge, they even had a Subway in there. The cafeteria was open 24/7.

But, there were some angels waiting for me. I'll tell you their names. Arty, Sue, Lola, Rhonda, Paula, Mike and Jennifer. They deserve a special note just for them. They may not even realize how special they were.

What have I learned from this experience? I learned that God's grace is sufficient for me and that I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me. I can function and preserver through trials and come out the other side having gained character I would not otherwise have. I know that I can be a caregiver and not doubt myself. That life without friends would be hard. To never say NEVER. That my life changed for the better the day I married Brent. I learned that my children and I will be okay. I am not the only one who had a husband who had cancer and died. God does prepare the way. You can make friends in the most unlikely places. Born and raised in the South I learned that people in the North can be kind and compassionate. A smile can make a difference in people's lives. Life is precious and short and being bored is not an option. Finally, when it comes down to it having a relationship with your husband and your children in most important. The words you say to one another are more important than how much money you make, what kind of job you have, where you go on vacation, the kind of house you live in, and what you drive. None of those things makse a difference when you realize you are about to lose someone. What you say, and how you show your love, means more than anything.

All that about me, but what about Brent. He was courageous, rarely complained, and had a good attitude. His friends called him, sent cards, and some came all that way to visit with him. I lost count at the number of bone marrow biopsies, chemo injections to his head, other chemo and radiation to his head. He could have whined all day every day, but he didn't. He said this was his new job, getting well from leukemia. He was respected and well liked by the nurses who cared for him. He was valiant in the fight for his life.

Helen