Another Emotional Day

Monday was another emotional day. I was teary eyed all day. What's up with that? Were my hormones playing tricks on me? I seemed to have a tissue in my hand all day.

A good nights sleep and a bright morning have cleared my mind. I do believe I was feeling sorry for myself. I had dreaded Monday because I was going to have to take care of something that Brent would have taken care of. Last Tuesday Samuel and I were set to mow the yard and weed eat. Samuel showed me how to put the string on the weed eater. By the way that weed eater is a large heavy Stihl that Brent used for his lawn business. It's so heavy and I have to really push hard on the handle to make it go. Samuel got on the mower and it would not start. It was deader that a door nail. I told Samuel just to go on in the house. I started weed eating. I was struggling with that monster of a weed eater, but I was destroying those weeds. It ran out of fuel. I put some more in it and started again. Low and behold, the weeder eater engine was running but it was turning on the end. I went and got Samuel so he could fix it. I had broken the handle! Argh! I guess you might be wondering why I just didn't have Samuel weed eat. I like to weed eat, I want to learn to be the master of the weed eater, and I need to learn all about how to take care of my property.

I let the whole week go by while I pondered on what I wanted to do. I finally decided to take the mower battery and the weed eater to Small Engines in town. I left the weed eater to be fixed and they were out of batteries so I went to the auto store. There was some rain yesterday which made me realize I needed new windshield wipers. The last time I bought a windshield wiper I couldn't figure out how it went on there. I taped it on with black electrical tape! It worked. I asked the guy at the auto store if he would put them on for me 'cause I didn't know how to do it. He was happy to do it. I told him my husband had passed away and that it used to take care of those things. He told me he understood. His father had passed away and his mother was in the same position. So, things should be looking better. The weed eater is being fixed, I have a new battery for the mower and the new windshield wipers are great.

I had some more time before Tae Kwon Do so I decided to stop by the Ford dealership. There was a recall on the cam sensor for my make and model of truck. They told me I could come in anytime. I also wanted to have the alarm removed from the truck. It's a pain and doesn't work properly. My remote is about shot and I wonder where will I be when it finally gives out. I put a new battery in it, but that didn't solve the problem.

Brent took care of the outside things including the yard, maintenance of the mower and truck, trimming weeds and trees etc., etc., etc. Yesterday I realized how much I missed him. I don't like taking care of those things. I want to get in the truck and go where I need to go and not worry about whether or not it needs fixin'. Well, that's just to bad Helen! Pull yourself together and just get it done. Quit feeling sorry for yourself.

I'm not going cross country in a covered wagon, trying to build a new life in a new territory on the prairie, and plowing the fields for sustenance. But, I do feel like a pioneer in my little world. I have 22 acres that I must think about. The 2000 square feet or so I live in is not all that I must take care of. I'm not about to give up what's been in my family for over 60 years. I have friends, male and female, who have never married. They are doing just fine. I have to get over the fact that I must now take care of things that Brent used to take care of. There is more to my life than cooking, cleaning, blogging, photography, TV and genealogy. I'm acting like a spoiled brat. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. He does hear the cries of the widow.

My mind keeps remembering what Mr. Payne of Small Engines told me yesterday. "Come on up here and I'll have Lisa take you in the back and show you how to work on your mower and weed eater". His daughter was a hairdresser. She wasn't earning enough money so she ask her Dad if he would teach her about small engines. She's been doing it for 20 years. I'd be a fool not to take advantage of that offer.

Okay, I feel better now. Thank you for reading. I feel encouraged and hope that you do too. Ladies, if your husband takes the time to show you how to do something, pay attention and thank him for showing you how. Shame on me for letting things go in one ear and out the other!