Light To My Path

A Brief Moment

2009-02-15T13:29:00.001-06:00

He walked up to the door wearing a blue jacket the color of his favorite basketball team. As he pulls open the door he turns slightly in my direction. We wave a friendly hello. We have both come to pick up our children from the lockin. He stands just inside the door, not venturing very far. He's looking for his children. Many of the children are in the back room where they've been watching a movie or have been climbing the rock wall. They come pouring out of the room, some of them are walking, while others run. I see his children come out of the back room. It's his little girl that I see first. She's so cute wearing her red outfit of stripped red and white pants and a red top. Her blond curls are pulled back in a small pony tail on top, while the rest of her hair is down. She stops for a moment at the desk and then starts up again. Daddy and daughter see one another. She runs to him with a sweet smile on her face. He bends down, ready to grab her up into his arms. There's a brief conversation as he picks her up. She's so happy to see her Daddy. I smile at this brief moment in time that only took a couple of minutes. A moment where the details will be forgotten, but the feelings of love and security will remain with her.

These are the moments when I miss Brent the most. There is no more chance to make memories. We must remember the ones we have. Make memories with your loved ones. You'll cherish them when they are gone.

Brent

2009-01-26T01:44:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking a lot about Brent these past few weeks. I suppose it's because it was this time of year that we were in Baltimore at Johns Hopkins Hospital. We were there from January to May of 2007. People ask me how did I do it. It was the grace of God that got me through each day. It was also the prayers from the saints and the support of friends and family. I knew it would only be for a season in my life. From March 2006 until November 2006 I cared for my Daddy. He was in the bed and had to taken care of 24/7. It was a decision that I will never regret. I had Brent's support as well as that of my sister, Grace. It was in June 2006 that we found out Brent had leukemia. I was a caregiver of the two most important men in my life. God prepared a path for me and I was ready. It's not something you choose, but you do it because it needs to be done.

The most stress I felt during that time was when I was trying to figure out how I was going to take care of Daddy here in Millington and be with Brent in Baltimore. Brent was supposed to fly to Baltimore on November 26, 2006. Daddy was weak and his time was near. Brent had to have a caregiver while he was at Johns Hopkins. JH stressed the importance of care giving during bone marrow transplants. The Lord was gracious and took Daddy on November 10th. I was free to be with Brent. The day Brent was to fly to Baltimore (November 26th) he wasn't feeling good. I called the transplant floor at JH and they told Brent not to come, but to see his doctor. Brent did and was admitted to the hospital here in Memphis. His leukemia had come back.

He was in the hospital from November 30th till December 21st, his birthday. So many friends came by to see him. They showed him their love, prayed for him, and supported our family. It was the first time I had to leave my children on their own. Many families are used to having their children let themselves in the house after school and wait until Mom and Dad get home from work. I had never been in that position. I would spend the night with Brent and leave my children alone at home. Of course, my sister lives next door and it's a short walk through the woods. Our oldest daughter, Anna, had moved back to Millington and she was able to check on the children. Samuel was 14 and Abigail was 8. I'd come home every couple of days and check on them. We talked on the phone and they could talk to Brent, but it wasn't the same. They could have stayed with Brent's parents, but they wanted the security of home. There were a few times when they would spend the night with Brent at the hospital. It is true that God never gives you more than you can bear. I guess it's how you choose to react to what He gives you.

Brent was out of the hospital and happy to be home. He put in a new sub floor in the bathroom, a toilet and tile. He was worn out, but happy to be doing something.

The first week in January 2007, Brent started feeling pain in his arms. I told him he had done to much work with the bathroom floor and that the metal rebar he had bought and lifted into and out of the truck had put a strain on his arms. He was also having trouble with his vision. He was scheduled to fly to Baltimore again on January 8th to proceed with his bone marrow transplant. On Saturday, January 6th all of his bluegrassin' friends had a Brent-A-Fit to raise money for him. Our friends, Cedar Hill Bluegrass, came down to play at his benefit. All his pickin' buddies who had bands performed. Brent played with all his former Loosahatchie Grass band members and with some of the other bands. He truly was overwhelmed at the out pouring of love that was being shown. He was in a lot of pain that day and his vision was horrible, but you wouldn't have known it. On Sunday the 7th he felt like something was really wrong. All he could say was, "I'm not calling them to tell them how I feel. I'm GOING to Baltimore for my transplant." He left on Monday and I was so worried about him. My brother, Joe, picked him up at the airport in Baltimore. My brother barely recognized him. Joe took him to the apartment. Brent called me and we talked a long while. The next morning he could barely get out of bed. He was confused. I felt helpless. I tried to help him by long distance by getting on the Internet and looking up numbers for taxi cabs. Frustrated, he finally he said he would walk. I told him to call as soon as he got to the hospital. It was about 15 minutes, but it seemed to take forever. His sister, Elizabeth, was at JH. She was his donor. He saw his doctor who had some test run and found that his leukemia came back in his spine and his brain. No wonder he felt so awful. I had planned to fly up with the children in a couple of weeks. I was going to get things settled at home and then we'd go up. I flew up on Wednesday the 10th and left my children alone again. This time Anna and Mike moved in and stayed with them for about 2-3 weeks until Brent's sister, Debbie, was able to fly with them to Baltimore. It was Samuel and Abigail's first time to fly.

The only person I knew in Maryland was my brother, Joe. He lived about an hour from Baltimore. He wasn't able to pick me up that day so I took a taxi. Because Brent's bluegrassin' friends had been so generous I was able to pay for the taxi ride. I had the driver take me directly to the hospital. Brent and I were so happy to see each other. I spent all day with him, but night fell and it was time for me to go the apartment. JH has a shuttle service and they were able to take me to the apartment. I walked up the steps to the apartment building not knowing what life would be like. There was no food, Brent had eaten the snack box left as a welcoming gift by the apartment. There was water and coffee. I would take the shuttle or walk the 3 blocks to the hospital. Only to be walked to in the day and NEVER at night. If Brent didn't eat his meals I would eat them. In the evenings when I left the hospital I would take a carton of milk and cereal from the food pantry, so I would have something to eat when I woke up the next morning. After a few days of getting adjusted to hospital life I learned where the cafeteria was. It was huge, they even had a Subway in there. The cafeteria was open 24/7.

But, there were some angels waiting for me. I'll tell you their names. Arty, Sue, Lola, Rhonda, Paula, Mike and Jennifer. They deserve a special note just for them. They may not even realize how special they were.

What have I learned from this experience? I learned that God's grace is sufficient for me and that I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me. I can function and preserver through trials and come out the other side having gained character I would not otherwise have. I know that I can be a caregiver and not doubt myself. That life without friends would be hard. To never say NEVER. That my life changed for the better the day I married Brent. I learned that my children and I will be okay. I am not the only one who had a husband who had cancer and died. God does prepare the way. You can make friends in the most unlikely places. Born and raised in the South I learned that people in the North can be kind and compassionate. A smile can make a difference in people's lives. Life is precious and short and being bored is not an option. Finally, when it comes down to it having a relationship with your husband and your children in most important. The words you say to one another are more important than how much money you make, what kind of job you have, where you go on vacation, the kind of house you live in, and what you drive. None of those things makse a difference when you realize you are about to lose someone. What you say, and how you show your love, means more than anything.

All that about me, but what about Brent. He was courageous, rarely complained, and had a good attitude. His friends called him, sent cards, and some came all that way to visit with him. I lost count at the number of bone marrow biopsies, chemo injections to his head, other chemo and radiation to his head. He could have whined all day every day, but he didn't. He said this was his new job, getting well from leukemia. He was respected and well liked by the nurses who cared for him. He was valiant in the fight for his life.

Helen

American Girl, Mia

2008-11-03T20:45:00.007-06:00

Abigail saved her money and decided to buy an American Girl doll named Mia. She received her late this afternoon. She's been quite in room most of the evening. She came walking into the living room with her new doll. I noticed Mia was wearing a cute little beret. I thought she had found it in her extra doll clothes. I ask her where she found it. She crocheted it herself! I told her I was amazed and proud of her. We talked about how many different colors she could use. She started thinking about all the other things she could crochet.

Abigail is self motivated and interested in so many things. She is the adventurer in the family. She is always looking for new craft ideas, full of questions, helpful, kind and generous to those in need. She's a true blessing!

Depression

2008-11-03T14:48:00.004-06:00

Loneliness and depression cling to me like a straight jacket. I fight it and it doesn't go away. Loneliness burdens my soul, longing for that which was. I've been feeling this way for about 6 weeks.

I remember a conversation I had with my Daddy years ago. I was single and was lonely. I had lots of friends and plenty of activities. Daddy told me there was a difference between being lonely and being alone. I don't mind being alone. I enjoy my company, I like the person I am, the person God created me to be. Daddy suggested I go to church and become involved in a singles ministry. I didn't take his advice. Instead, I fell in love with Brent and we got married. The feelings of being lonely were gone. I had someone to share my thoughts with, someone to love me for who I was, someone who was proud of me. We helped each other with our weaknesses and used our strengths to be what we would become. Now, I'm feeling that lonely feeling again after all these years.

Brent has been gone nearly 18 months. I've gone on with my life making decisions by myself, caring for our children, and finding new ways to give purpose to my life. I have grieved the loss of my dearest Brent. I have believed that I breezed through my grief. Give me an A+. Brent and I talked about his death, our acceptance of what God had planned for our lives. Neither Brent or myself felt anger towards God. One of us had to be the first to go. There is a purpose for each of us and when that purpose is finished we go home to eternity.

There are several stages of grief: shock or disbelief, denial, anger, bargaining, guilt, depression and acceptance/hope. Not everyone experiences all of these and they can occur in any order. I'm stuck on depression. If you have noticed I haven't written on my blog in quite awhile. I haven't wanted to write anything. I've been going through the motions of life. I've been volunteering at hospice, caring for Sam and Abigail, feeding the animals, Tae Kwon Do occasionally, Mother's Dinners, family dinners at my in-laws, watching Anna and Mike built a fence and barn for Anna's horse, and remodeling projects around the house. Most of the time I stare at the TV watching HGTV, doing laundry by washing the same load over and over again 'cause I can't seem to take it out of the washer to put in the dryer! I think of things I'd like to do such as write on my blog, fix up those shadow boxes for Brent, Momma and Daddy, scan photos, do genealogy, make scrapbooks, go through all my mail that's piling up, write letters (the real ones written in long hand and sent through the United States Postal Service) to the young service men I know, notes of encouragement to people who come to my mind, and to read my Bible and renew my mind in God's word. Do you imagine that I am dressed in my housecoat crying my eyes out all day? Well, the answer to that would be no. Being a happy person 95% of the time I wouldn't want anyone to know I'm depressed. But, I must face depression head on and tell you, my reader, that I am depressed. There is no shame in admitting it to you. I actually feel better. I can't count the number of times I've started to write about my feelings and could not get past one sentence.

My depression always shows in how I keep house. Right now, this very moment, my house is a wreck. Clutter everywhere, dishes all over the kitchen counters, bed unmade, laundry piled high, unopened mail and I haven't had a shower today. Most of the time my depression would not allow to me indulge in writing. I would feel guilty about writing and having a messy house. So, I would stop writing and then do nothing about the house. I don't like being depressed and am determined to walk, talk and write myself out of it with your help. Your help? Yes, you. You are helping me, by reading what I write.

My voice rises to God, and I will cry aloud; my voice rises to God, and He will hear me. In the day of my trouble I sought the Lord; in the night my hand was stretched out without weariness; my soul refused to be comforted. When I remember God, then I am disturbed; When I sigh, then my spirit grows faint. Selah. You have held my eyelids open; I am so troubled that I cannot speak. I have considered the days of old, the years of long ago. I will remember my song in the night; I will meditate with my heart, and my spirit ponders: Will the Lord reject forever? And will He never be favorable again? Has His lovingkindness ceased forever? Has His promise come to an end forever? Has God forgotten to be gracious, or has He in anger withdrawn His compassion? Selah. Then I said, "It is my grief, that the right hand of the Most High has changed." I shall remember the deeds of the LORD; surely I will remember Your wonders of old. I will meditate on all Your work and muse on Your deeds. Your way, O God, is holy; What god is great like our God? You are the God who works wonders; You have made known Your strength among the peoples. You have by Your power redeemed Your people, The sons of Jacob and Joseph. Selah. The waters saw You, O God; The waters saw You, they were in anguish; The deeps also trembled. The clouds poured out water; The skies gave forth a sound; Your arrows flashed here and there. The sound of Your thunder was in the whirlwind; The lightnings lit up the world; the earth trembled and shook. Your way was in the sea and Your paths in the mighty waters, and Your footprints may not be known. You led Your people like a flock by the hand of Moses and Aaron. Psalm 77

I am sustained by God's mercies. It is His strength which provides a solid rock for me to stand upon. When I am quite I hear His voice. Cease striving and know that I am God; Psalm 46:10a
I'm not the only one who has lost a loved one. There have been several of my friends who have lost a spouse/mother/father since Brent's death. I hope that in some way what I have written and the scripture that I have shared will speak to their hearts.
Behold the eye of the Lord is on those who fear Him, on those who hope for His lovingkindness, to deliver their soul from death, and to keep them alive in famine. Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. For our heart rejoices in Him, because we trust in His holy name. Let Thy lovingkindness, O Lord, be upon us, according as we have hoped in Thee. Psalm 33:18-22.

You can't have joy without sorrow, or highs without lows. Depression, even for those who are not grieving the loss of a loved one, can isolate us and make us all feel lonely. Encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called "Today"....Hebrews 3:13.

I miss Brent's daily presence in my life, but am thankful for the wonderful memories he left behind.

Here are some quotes for you:
“Loneliness is never more cruel than when it is felt in close propinquity with someone who has ceased to communicate”, Germaine Greer

People who lead a lonely existence always have something on their minds that they are eager to talk about. Author: Anton Checkov

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. ~From a headstone in Ireland

“Living the past is a dull and lonely business; looking back strains the neck muscles, causes you to bump into people not going your way”
Edna Ferber quotes (American novelist, short-story writer, and playwright 1887-1968)

One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul, and yet no one ever comes to sit by it. Author: Vincent Van Gogh

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. ~Kahlil Gibran

A human life is a story told by God. ~Hans Christian Andersen

To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die. ~Thomas Campbell, "Hallowed Ground"

Oh heart, if one should say to you that the soul perishes like the body, answer that the flower withers, but the seed remains. ~Kahlil Gibran

Good-night! good-night! as we so oft have said
Beneath this roof at midnight, in the days
That are no more, and shall no more return.
Thou hast but taken up thy lamp and gone to bed;
I stay a little longer, as one stays
To cover up the embers that still burn.
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity. ~William Penn

Helen Currie Davis
Monday, November 03, 2008

Unknown Super Powers

2008-10-29T10:56:00.003-05:00

Lucy, our Boxer. She's always been strange!

2008-10-19T00:52:00.001-05:00

There's been a whole lot painting going on around here. Grace and I have been painting the living/dining/kitchen area. We both agree that it has been at least 25 years since the ceiling and wall above the paneling has been painted. We rolled the paint on and it was sucked up by the paint like a sponge! During the 17 months since Brent's death, Grace and I have moved furniture back and forth doing projects around the house more times than I care to remember. Grace is a great project manager. A little here, a little there and the old home is looking much better. We painted the doors to the outside, I've had new windows installed, central heating and air installed, painted bedrooms, had an old lamp rewired, installed California style closets in the bedrooms, bought a dishwasher, new kitchen sink, some new kitchen cabinets, and decluttered. Grace and I went to Johnson's Fabrics and bought fabric to recover some furniture. There are still many things left to do, but we'll get to them one at a time.

Tae Kwon Do

2008-10-10T01:10:00.004-05:00

Abigail tested for her brown/black belt in Tae Kwon Do on September 19, 2008. She's getting close to that black belt. The video is of Abigail doing her pattern during her testing.

Birthdays

2008-10-09T23:10:00.008-05:00

Samuel and Abigail both had birthdays in September. Samuel requested a brownie ice cream dessert and pepperoni pizza. Abigail wanted to go to Sekisui, a Japanese restaurant. We invited Anna and Mike to come along. It was a nice evening. We all had the fried rice. Anna, Abigail and I had shrimp and sirloin. Mike had chicken and Samuel had the lobster and sirloin. I believe Samuel could eat his weight in seafood.

Brent used to take a day off from work on the kids birthdays. When the kids were younger we did not always have a lot of money to buy them gifts, so he gave himself.

Dinner Is Ready

2008-09-08T13:12:00.001-05:00

You've worked hard all day either at school, in the yard, or your place of employment. You're driving home wondering what's for dinner. Arriving home you get out of the car exhausted. The walk to the front door takes forever. Opening the door your senses come alive with the smells and aromas of the dinner you will soon eat. The one who prepared that dinner fixes your plate and you sit down to eat. You feel loved and the food taste so good. When I came home from school my mother would be in the kitchen preparing dinner. Everything was from scratch. She made homemade rolls, homemade pies, and assorted cakes that all melted in your mouth. I miss eating my mother's meals. When Brent came home from a hard day at work I too had dinner ready. When I go to a friends house to eat dinner, it is always a pleasure and a treat for my senses.

All of these thoughts came to me last Tuesday when I came in from mowing 5 acres of grass. Abigail had prepared a delicious dinner. Broiled Flatiron Steak, Roasted Potatoes, Broccoli and a Green Tossed Salad. I teased Abigail and ask if she was going to fix my plate. She did and I sat down to eat it. The steak was moist and tender, the potatoes nicely browned with the flavor of garlic, rosemary and olive oil. The broccoli was cooked al dente and the salad was crisp.

Turkeys

2008-09-06T10:54:00.004-05:00

These young turkeys crossed my driveway on July 21st. There were about 15 of them peeping while following their mother into the woods. I was slowly driving up the driveway trying to get close enough to get a good shot. I've tried several times to upload a longer video clip, but it takes hours and hours. I decided to upload the shorter clip. You can clearly see one of the turkeys, but if you look closely you'll see one or two more going into the woods.

Every day I wonder what I will see crossing the field in the front. I've seen deer, turkeys, foxes, rabbits and a variety of birds. One day I watched a hawk on the ground for nearly 10 minutes. He walked around looking at the ground. Sometimes he would would stand and do nothing. I'm used to them swooping down to catch their prey, not standing or walking around.

I feel blessed to see God's creatures in my front yard. There is joy every time I see one of His creatures. When I see a "nature moment" I feel so special. Nature moments for me have been seeing a butterfly lay an egg, birds feeding their young, seeing a hawk catch it's prey, seeing two spiders mate, watching a king snake eat another snake, and having a hummingbird feed on the feeder while my hand was next to it

Watch Where You Mow

2008-09-04T11:58:00.003-05:00

Brent always told me to watch where I mow. Well, I got to close to this rug. Big mistake. Thankfully I had finished mowing the lawn. I was going to use the hydraulic jack to jack the mower. It started to rain so I stopped. I will get back out there after the rain and the ground drys up. I'll have to cut it out. It's a good thing I looked under the deck. Now I know why the mower is not cutting properly. The tip on one of the blades has a cut in it. No telling what I hit to make such a big cut.

No need getting all upset about it. The grass is cut. The rain from Gustav will soon pass.

Sorghum Hill

2008-09-02T09:54:00.003-05:00

Sorghum Hill played the Frog Hollow Bluegrass Festival in Grenada, Mississippi on Friday, August 29th and Saturday, August 30th, 2008. Here they are on Friday evening getting a little practice before the show. Andrea singing, Larry on bass, Phil on guitar, Sam on banjo, and Jessie on fiddle.

Larry and Candice and myself pulled our campers to Frog Hollow Campground. The band members spent the night in our campers. Camping at bluegrass festival is the best way to enjoy what's happening.

Swallowtail Butterfly

2008-08-27T22:56:00.004-05:00

I hope you enjoy this brief video of the Swallowtail butterfly. I think that it is an Eastern Swallowtail (genus: Papilio) although, I'm not sure about it.

Buzz To The Rescue

2008-08-27T22:26:00.004-05:00

Buzz Lightyear? No. Buzz to the Rescue, not the book. My friend, Buzz. Right man for the right job. I wanted to hook my camper up because I have an appointment in the morning for new tires and to have my bearings packed with grease. One of the pins used to hold the sway bar in place was missing. I made my third trip into town today (ouch) to find a pin. I bought one and brought it home. Samuel said it would not work. I ask him to try. Of course, it did not work. It was already 7:30 pm and it was getting dark. I called Buzz and told him the problem I was having. He said to come on over and he would see what he could do. A machinist by trade, Buzz can make anything from metal. We went to his shop and after a couple of trys he made me another pin. I wish I would have had my camera. It was pretty cool to watch.

When I got home Samuel was curious as to how we would hook up the camper. I showed him both pins. He looked at them and said, "He made that?".

Thank you Buzz for helping me out. Thank you Joan for loaning me your husband! I appreciate it.

How To Eat A Moon Pie In One Bite

2008-08-26T23:53:00.004-05:00

My son-in-law, Mike, entertains us with his, "Eating a Moon Pie in one bite". The things you'll do while on a road trip!

Road Trip Humor

2008-08-25T13:04:00.004-05:00

June 15, 2008 Trip to Tybee Island, Georgia

Mike, Anna and Abigail were sitting in the backseat. They got tired of all the stuff in the backseat and threw it up front with Samuel. Nothing like a little humor on a long roadtrip.

The Tennessee Wildflowers and The Kudzu Band

2008-08-23T23:08:00.009-05:00

Tonight Abigail and I went to see The Tennessee Wildflowers and The Kudzu Band. The Wildflowers are Dianna Ford, and sisters, Cathy Walls and Jeannie Gentry. The Kudzu Band was Royal Morehead, Craig Yarbrough and Jeannie Gentry. They played at the Square Beans Coffee Shop on the square in Collierville. It was our first time to see them play as a group.

For me the drive to Collierville was full of memories. Brent and I and the kids used to drive to Collierville on Friday nights for the weekly bluegrass pickin'. We would stay on the square on Friday nights until very late. I'd bring a cooler with drinks and snacks for the kids. I always brought pillows, blankets and a chase lounge in case Abigail needed a nap. The kids would always ask, "When are we going home?" My answer was always the same, "When Daddy gets finished pickin'. " Brent at one time or another had picked, sang or was in a band with with all those who were in the band tonight.

We arrived at the coffee shop before the group started playing. We greeted the group and other MABA friends. Abigail and I decided to treat ourselves. She ordered a Strawberry Lemonade Smoothie which was very good. We shared a Chocolate Truffle! Yummy! I ordered coffee which was very smooth.

How would I describe the music of The Tennessee Wildflowers? It's a mix of gospel, rock 'n roll Elvis, bluegrass, country, old timey and Appalachian music with a bluesy jazz sound. I enjoyed their choice of songs, many of which are not performed by local bands. Dianna does a great job of singing harmony with Jeannie and Cathy. Cathy has a powerful voice. Someone heard Cathy singing at the Williston Festival and ask me if that girl singing was from Nashville.

My friend, Betty Westmoreland, is so good about listening to a band, while writing down their song set and reviewing the bands she listens to. Betty I cheated and asked Dianna for their song set. I feel sure they sang most of the songs on the list, but with a few changes.

Here is a list of the songs: Set 1 - Love Me Darlin' Just Tonight, All I Ever Loved Was You, Blues Stay Away From Me, Can't Even Get The Blues, Coal Mining Man, Meet By The Moonlight, I'm blue/I'm Lonesome, Sea Of Regret, Six Hours On The Cross, One More River To Cross, Today I Started Loving You Again, Old Chunk Of Coal, Don't Be Cruel, Tear My Stillhouse Down, The Sun Will Never Set Again. Set 2 - Can't You Hear Me Callin', Daddy Sing Bass, Working On A Building, Crazy Heart, Southern Moon, I Saw Your Face In The Moon, Little Darlin', West Virginia, Dark As The Night, Sing, Sing, Sing, Barbed Wire And Roses, If That's The Way You Feel, Standing In The Need Of Prayer, No One Will Ever Know, Heartaches And Teardrops, Jesus Keep Me Near The Cross. Optional songs - I'll Never Grow Tired Of You, Precious Lord, Take My Hand, You Don't Have To Move That Mountain, Where The Soul Of Man Never Dies, Say Won't You Be Mine.

Left to right: Mike "Buzz" Busby, Craig Yarbrough, Royal Morehead, Jeannie Gentry, Cathy Walls, Dianna Ford, and Steve Craig. Mike, Royal Jeannie and Dianna were the original members of Brent's band Loosahatchie Grass. Steve is also a former member of Loosahatchie Grass. Randal Morton, not shown, was also an original member of Loosahatchie Grass.

I was happy to see so many of my friends at the coffee shop.

Not someone you'd expect to see, some of us caught a glimpse of actor, Steven Seagal who lives in the Memphis area, peeking in the window. Someone said he was taking a look at Royal's guitar.

Another local favorite band, "Deep Hollow" was playing at Otherlands tonight. I couldn't see both of them and had to pick. I'll see you guys down the road at another show.

I'll add more video clips to this post. They take a long time to upload, even with DSL. That's why I only take 10-25 second video clips.

Mother's Dinner, August 19, 2008

2008-08-20T01:59:00.003-05:00

Thought I'd post of couple of photos from the Mother's Dinner for our homeschooling group. It's late so I'm going to go to bed. I'll write a little something tomorrow evening.

I put this video here so you will have an idea of how loud it can be during dinner time!

Feeling Nostalgic

2008-08-12T15:01:00.012-05:00

My brother-in-law, Ronnie, cut my back field this past weekend. I decided to take a walk back there to just look at it. It was quite and just a field, but it sure felt good. The first photo is of the edge of the yard before you begin walking down the path to the back field. There really is a path there!

It's a lovely afternoon here in Tennessee. There's a slight breeze and the temperature is about 78 degrees. There seems to be a time in August every year when we have a cool spell. Autumn is right around the corner. The trees are letting go of some of their green, I hear the harsh stridor caw of the crows, and the song of the katydids. All this pleases my senses. I've enjoyed this time of year for as long as I can remember. Nostalgia is probably a good word to describe how I feel right now. Momma would take us to downtown Memphis to go shopping for school clothes. School would start soon and the trees would turn lovely colors.
This photo is of the old oak tree where my father built us a tree house, or I should say a tree floor. It was just a floor with no sides and no top. During the summer I would climb up there to read a Nancy Drew mystery, the latest Book Mobile or Weekly Reader book. Sometimes I would climb higher up the tree, or just lay back and daydream. On Sundays, my girlfriend, Ramona, and I would climb up there and eat Sunday dinner. It was a real get away! The old oak has some dead places in it, but I certainly remember it with fondness.

Why would I take a photo of bushes? This is the spot where my mother had her clothes line. It was a good 50 yards from the house. She washed clothes and hung them to dry in this spot everyday for years. No matter the time of year, I can remember her hanging clothes out to dry. Of course, when my sister and I were tall enough we had to start hanging clothes to dry. It wasn't much fun when the weather was cold. In those days before the wonderful fabrics they have now, we also had to iron our clothes. A chore I never seemed to mind.

Almost to the back field. It only takes a couple of minutes to walk from the house to the field. But, when you're remembering your childhood, it takes a lot longer. There is a small, very small hill just before you enter into the field. It's as if you were walking into a sunken bedroom or den in your home. Growing up, it was more dense with bushes than it is now.

Here it is. The back field, maybe 4 acres or so. For several years this whole field was full of Dewberries. Ronnie told me there were some trees in this field that were at least 3 inches around on the trunk. The rest of the property is woods. There is a creek in the back where we would swim. At Thanksgiving my cousins, John, Dan and Quinn would go hunting back there.

I'm so thankful that I've ended up at the old homestead. I feel at home. How would I have felt living in the home Brent and I had bought together? I don't know. I do know that Brent supported me in my decision to move home to care for Daddy. Brent knew this house needed a lot of work and was willing to work to make it our home. Now, it's up to me to finish what we started. I feel blessed to have my sister and brother-in-law next door.

Family Photo

2008-08-11T01:54:00.000-05:00

Family photo taken, Friday June 20, 2008, by my daughter, Anna. We had such a wonderful time. I could have stayed on that veranda another month. It was so relaxing!

Dying and Death

2008-08-10T16:10:00.000-05:00

The photo above was taken at my desk at hospice.

On Friday, August 01, 2008 Sally Karioth, RN, ARNP, Ph.D., was one of several speakers for a conference, Keeping Sacred Promises:Delivering Excellence in Antemortem Care sponsored by Methodist Healthcare, Memphis, Tennessee. Before speaking at the conference she graciously accepted a request to speak to our hospice group.

She has a long list of degrees, certifications, and professional memberships. You may visit the following web page: http://nursing.fsu.edu/Faculty_Staff/Profiles/Faculty/Karioth.html
She is well qualified to speak about dying and death. She travels more than 500,000 miles a year sharing what she knows about dying, death and grieving. She's a great speaker who is animated, full of warmth and tells funny stories. She cares deeply about those who are grief stricken, especially for parents who have lost a child.

After she spoke she asked if there were any questions. I wanted to know what happened in our culture that changed our perspective of death and dying from talking about it and accepting it to never talking about death and not accepting it. Her answer was penicillin.

My thoughts are that we saw doctors could cure people of their disease. People were dying less from common causes. We thought they could cure anything. Families used to be involved with their loved ones who were sick. When they died, wakes were held in the parlor. When my father was nine years old, in 1926, his maternal grandfather had died. The wake was held in my great grandparents parlor. There is a little book that I love. The title is something like Cornbread and Vinegar Pie. It is the 1890 diary of a woman, Mrs. Jackson, who lived in Arkansas. One of her entries is about how she made a face cover for a deceased neighbor. Another of my favorite books, a gift from my Cousin Sharon, is "Women's Diaries of the Westward Journey", Lillian Schlissel, @1982 Schocken Books, New York. The book covers the journeys from the East to the West from 1841 - 1867. Death on the trail was a common everyday experience. Children died from falling out of the wagons, being trampled by oxen, and a variety of disease. Mothers died of childbirth and many family members on the trail drowned while crossing rivers. Having a photograph of their deceased loved one was considered a precious treasure. They would have to bury their loved one on the trail and move on hoping to make it to Oregon or California before winter set in.

Mourning in the 1800's was a tradition that I'm glad is gone. Imagine the Civil War in this country from 1861 - 1865. A Widow would be in morning anywhere between 12-18 months. She was dressed in black, of a dead hue , not a lively blue black. The Widow's veil is made out of black crepe and was worn very long. The mourning time for parents was one year. A veil was worn, but not over the face as the Widow's veil. Mouring for a sibling, stepparents, or grandparents was a year, but the mourning period could be shorter. The Mourning Period for an aunt or uncle was 3 months. Wives and husbands wear mourning clothes for the relatives of their spouses. Mourning for children would be nine months. It was common for men and women to marry soon after the death of their spouse. Just think about the woman during the Civil War whose husband, young son or father died in battle, perhaps her father-in-law and an uncle died during war also. How long did she have to mourn? Homes were decorated with black crape, clocks stopped at the time of the person's death, photographs were covered with black crape or turned towards the wall. Visit the following web page for more info: http://mdah.state.ms.us/admin/news/manship_mourn.html

Then we move to a time when families were not told anything and not allowed to see their loved ones who were in the hospital. Death became to clean and antiseptic. Let's also remember that women had delivered babies for thousands of years without the help of doctors. When my siblings and I were born, my mother was whisked away, given "twilight" and the next thing my Daddy knew he and Momma were parents! My maternal grandmother died of colon cancer when I was 12 years old. All I knew was that my grandmother was sick and Momma would stop by her house every morning after working 3rd shift at the hospital as a nurses aid. I was shocked when she died.

In the 1970's hospice was introduced in the United States. We were encouraged to let our loved ones die at home with dignity, surrounded by friends and family and things that were familiar. Home births were also coming into fashion.

Why are we so afraid of death? It happens to all of us. We are a society who lives for the moment and ignores the future. We don't want people to know we're sick as if there were shame in it. Have you been told that you are dying? Are you keeping it a secret? Why? You are depriving yourself and your family a special time together. It's a chance to share "wouldas", "couldas", and "if only" moments can be avoided. There is a chance to make amends, to close out the business of life and enjoy the moments you have left. It is a great gift to leave for your family.

For me, the most important thing that Sally Karioth said to our group was to have "at least one exquisite moment everyday." When today is gone it is history. What history are you making today for your family to remember when you are gone?

Never Ending Projects

2008-08-09T14:25:00.007-05:00

I will begin by saying, I am not a project kind of girl. I do not like to paint, pick wall colors, fabric swatches, screw in light bulbs and I especially do not like to hang window dressings of any kind. I'm content to keep things as they are and let things fall down around me. I'm very much like my father in this department. I sometimes wonder how he managed to build 3 houses. My sister, Grace, is another story. She is exactly like my mother when it comes to projects around the house. She is fabulous! Thank goodness she is willing to help me. We both want to restore this "old house" to its former glory. It is our homestead. On the day this photo was taken, July 30, 2008, we had shopped at Home Depot for all the things we needed for a couple of projects around the house. Before my mother died she had started turning the small bedroom into a library. I want to complete the library so that I have a place for all of my books. I would also like it to be a history/genealogy room. On the list of projects "to do list" is to finish the basement. I'll have to do a whole post on that one.

We started at one end of the store and walked to the other side picking up "stuff". I was so tired. I wanted to whine like a small child and beg to go home. I was exhausted.

Grace once said, "Together we make the perfect woman." We were sitting on the front porch taking a quick break from the care of our father. I took care of Daddy's physical needs 24 hours a day. Our family had moved in with him to take care of him. Daddy was in the bed 24/7. Grace on the other hand took care of me and my needs. She helped me out by washing dishes (before I got a dishwasher), doing laundry, buying groceries, sweeping, cleaning Daddy's room and so many other things. It was during this time we found out that my husband, Brent, had leukemia. We were both doing double duty. We did it together and I'm so thankful we get along. She and I each have a strengths and weaknesses and work together to make things go smoothly. I am blessed.

When Brent, the kids and I moved into Daddy's house, the house I grew up in, it was one project after another. It continues to be one project after another. I hope that in some way you will be encouraged as I share, "Projects Around The House" a seemingly never ending story. Together Grace and I will get this house ship shape.

Daughter Reading To Mom

2008-08-08T01:20:00.002-05:00

Abigail reading me a bedtime story!

I Wonder About You, My Blog Reader

2008-08-08T01:11:00.002-05:00

I wonder about the people who read my blog. I check my visitor map regularly to see where you are from. It's fun to see where you are from. Are you a returning visitor, or are you new to my blog. What's going on in your life? Do you enjoy reading my blog? Has it been helpful to you?

Why are you reading my blog? Is it because you know me personally, a friend suggested you stop by or did you find me by happenstance?

Are you a widow? If you are, please know that life will be get better each day. You are stronger than you think. Make the most of each day because it will never come again.

Helen and Liz Have Lunch

2008-08-07T23:15:00.003-05:00

Liz invited me to lunch at the Neighborhood Bistro. Of course, our meal was prepared by her son, Paul, the chef at the restaurant. We had a nice time talking. Thank you Liz for a nice afternoon.

Friday, May 04, 2007

2008-08-07T22:29:00.005-05:00

The following is from my daily journal that I kept while Brent was at Johns Hopkins Hospital.

It's 2:30 pm Friday afternoon. There is a Bible verse that comes to my mind. God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

The facts are that Brent has been in Baltimore, Maryland for 116 days. I've been here 114 days. Samuel and Abigail have been here 97 days. Brent has been in this hospital room for this hospitalization for 50 days. He has been in the bed unable to get out and stand on his own two feet for 35 days. It has been 42 days since his bone marrow transplant.

I'm sitting here watching Nurse Rick care for Brent. So much has happened in the last 28 hours. It will take awhile to write it all, but I will get all my thoughts down.

So many have called in the last 24 hours. I have called so many. Some of those who have called are Dianna, Royal, Sharon, Grace, Ramona, Anna, Granny (Brent's mother), Matt and Todd. There are many more I just can't remember them all.

8:25 pm, I'm in the room with Brent. I left around 5:30 pm and came back about 7:30 pm. He's resting. Jeannie and Matt called. Nurse John will be here in a little bit to give him some medicine to help him sleep.

Today at one point he wanted to get up and go home. He has said that every once in awhile during his hospital stay.

8:35 pm, Nurse John gave Brent some Adavan to help him rest. He has been moaning and groaning some. He did grimace some too. He's not in pain, just uncomfortable.

Daneen just came in. Her parents want to visit with Brent. They'll come in about 20 minutes.

8:40 pm, Nurse John came in and set up a morphine drip. Brent will get a smidgen of morphine through an IV.

8:45 pm, It's very sad that Brent must leave this world and yet I should be happy that he will be going home to Jesus. Brent will be singing praises to Jesus everyday. There has been such and out pouring of love and support from all of our friends. It would have been wonderful for Brent to die at home or at least in Tennessee.

Brent and I talked over the years about which one of us would die first. It would be hard for both of us but, Brent would always say, "I just couldn't go on without you. I wouldn't know what to do." On the other hand I could see a life after his death. Oh, I will miss him. I hope I will make him proud about the decisions I make down the road. I've always said i would NOT want to marry again. That's up to God if I do, but I'd rather stay single, finish raising Samuel and Abigail, and work on my genealogy.

9:00 pm, Brent's sister Debbie called. She wanted to call back tomorrow. I told her no, talk to him now, don't put it off, say all the things you want to say.

Daneen and Robert and Daneen's parents, Bob and Jan, came in a little after 9 pm. We all gathered around Brent's bed while Bob prayed.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

2008-08-05T22:06:00.003-05:00

The following is from my daily journal that I kept while Brent was at Johns Hopkins Hospital.

I arrived in his room at 8:45 am. The nurse was feeding him a little breakfast. He had eaten a little bit of egg and drank some milk. I hadn't missed the doctors rounds.

Brent was always wondering when I'd make it to the hospital. I would tell him that I had to take care of myself and I insisted that I get a good nights sleep. I would wake up when I needed to. Our youngest two children and I had moved to Baltimore, MD so that I could be Brent's caregiver while he was at Johns Hopkins Hospital. We were in a strange city and for a long time didn't know anyone. I had to leave my children alone in the apartment every day. I would visit with him everyday, but had to leave time for the children too.

At 9:00 am the doctors came into the room. The doctor walked over to me and knelt down in front of me.

I instantly knew it wasn't going to be good news. Brent and I had hoped that things would turn out the way we wanted them to. He had accepted his diagnosis with the determination to do his part and leave it up to God to take him home or to leave him here with me and the children. He said he was ready either way. Brent told me early on during his illness that he hadn't ask God "why" this time. He had ask God "why" when our still birth daughter,Katie, was born. This time he didn't ask "why", because God had told him, "I Am".

"Mrs. Davis", said Dr. Huff". "Mrs. Davis, Mr. Davis' leukemia has come back, and there is nothing we can do for him. He has 2-3 days left."

There was a flood of emotions that swept over me. There were several other doctors in the room. They were all looking at me with sorrow on their faces. I wondered what my face looked like to them. Were they expecting me to faint, to fall apart, to scream, to start crying? I wanted to be brave and in command of my faculties. The hope that I had had all these months was gone. Just like that, my husband was going to die. It was a shock to hear those words. My knees went weak, even though I was sitting, my stomach started churning and tears welled up in my eyes.

I looked at the doctor and said, "Oh, my. I don't think I can tell him because I might cry. You'll have to tell him."

We went to his bedside. I was standing next to her with my hand on Brent's hand. "Mr. Davis"?, she said softly and with compassion. He looked directly into her eyes. "Your leukemia has come back and there's nothing we can do." "There's nothing you can do?", Brent said. "No, Mr. Davis, there's nothing we can do." With acceptance and knowing that God had chosen to take him Brent said, "Well, okay then." I ask him if he was afraid. His response was, "I don't know."

I called his parents first, my oldest daughter at work, and then my sister. I sat with him for awhile. Rhonda, the chaplain, came in and prayed with me and for Brent. Now, I had to go back to the apartment and tell my children Samuel, age 14 and Abigail, age 8 that their father wasn't going to live. Telling them that, was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.

Tae Kwon Do Testing, July 25, 2008

2008-07-26T08:55:00.003-05:00

Abigail and I with our new belts. I earned my orange belt and Abigail earned her brown belt. Here we are with our instructors, Lily Wiggins, 4th degree black belt and Brody Wiggins, 5th degree black belt.

Abigail was really excited about receiving her brown belt. She has 5 more belts and she'll be a black belt.

I have a long way to go, but I'll get there. I certainly feel more confident than when I began.

Exciting Day Tomorrow

2008-07-16T23:45:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow, Thursday, will be an exciting day in the Davis household. We're getting new windows for the whole house. My father built this house in 1960. He used whatever was the cheapest thing he could buy. He installed jalousie windows which are glass slats. They are loose, most of the storm windows and screens are gone. Most of the handles are broken so I have had to open them from the outside. This winter I covered them with plastic and taped them up with some kind of silver tape my brother-in-law gave me. Now, I will have a modern update, screens on all the windows, they fold down for easy cleaning and there are no grids to obstruct my view. I will be able to open the windows from inside the house when it's a cool day.

All day I've been getting the house ready by moving things that were in front of the windows, plus just everyday cleaning. I plan on taking lots of photos tomorrow and will share them with you tomorrow night.

MySpace

2008-07-16T10:37:00.002-05:00

On June 01, 2008 I posted about MySpace, Facebook, Blogs and Carepages. It is listed under the label "Daily Life". I was setting up my "MySpace page" and wondering if I would like it. It's great. I've gotten used to it and find that I check it everyday to see what my friends are up to. Most certainly personal phone calls and handwritten letters are the very best way of communicating. But, in today's world electronic communication is where it's at. If you are older I encourage you to set up a MySpace page. Don't be afraid of the unknown.

Check out my MySpace page at:
http://www.myspace.com/HelenCurrieDavis

Doug and Jo

2008-07-12T09:58:00.009-05:00

God is awesome. He does hear the cries of the widow. I was feeling teary eyed for a couple of days and needed someone to converse with. There are friends I can call, but I was busy and the timing was never right.

You remember that I wrote about going to the dealership on Tuesday to have the cam sensor replaced. After I left the dealership I had intended to go straight home. I was driving down the highway and looked over to my left and noticed Scottie's hair salon. It was then I decided to get a haircut. When I walked in the young lady at the counter said I would have to wait at least an hour and a half. I was willing to wait. She asked me if I had any errands to run. No, I had my Route 44 Cherry Limeade and my book. I would sit and wait for the first available hair dresser.

I sat down and was getting comfortable and taking in all the activity in the salon. Scottie was with a customer, there were some ladies getting color while others were getting cuts. In the corner I noticed Barry, a hair dresser, talking with someone. Barry had cut Brent's hair for several years and he also cuts Samuel's hair. Brent had conversations with Barry about his leukemia. It was Barry who offered a gift from Scottie's hair salon for the Brent-A-Fit fundraiser for Brent. As Barry and this other fellow talked I heard a familiar voice. I looked at this fellow and realized I knew him. I waited for a break in their conversation. I asked him is your name Doug? I introduced myself and he remembered me. I had not seen Doug and his wife Jo, for over 20 years. Jo was the customer having her hair done by Scottie.

Doug asked how Brent was doing. He had not heard about Brent's death. I gave him a quick overview of the circumstances surrounding Brent's diagnosis, treatment and death. Doug shared about the death of his father. Doug shared many Bible verses with me and consoled me. We talked for about 30 minutes. I asked Doug where he and Jo were living. They live about 35 minutes from here. Jo has been having her haircut at Scotties for many years. What are the chances that I would see them at Scottie's?

You may say it was fate or coincidence. I say, it was God hearing my cries for someone to talk with.

A Little Change Is A Good Thing

2008-07-08T17:09:00.010-05:00

I took the truck to the dealership this morning. I had received a notice from Ford about a recall on the cam sensor. The sensor was causing trucks to stop in their tracks. Just stop right where you were. This first happened to us on our way back from Nashville in February 2006. We were less than 50 miles outside of Nashville. We had the truck towed all the way home. Since then it has happened 3 other times. Oh, I'm so glad they figured that one out!

I left the dealership with the intention of driving straight home. I looked to the left and saw Scottie's, a very popular hair salon in town. I decided to stop. I had just about had it with my hair. I sat looking in all the books for the perfect hairstyle. I couldn't decide and figured I would leave it to the experts. I had told Mary, the young lady at the appointment desk I would take the first available hair dresser. Finally, it was my turn. Mary had me come over for the shampoo. Oh my! It felt so wonderful to have someone shampoo my hair. I didn't want to get up. She had me sit at Scottie's station. He was really wonderful. He told me what he was going to do and why he was doing it. I love the cut and it feels great on my head. It shows off my gray nicely. The before photos were taken by another customer and the after photos by Scottie.

Another Emotional Day

2008-07-08T10:03:00.003-05:00

Monday was another emotional day. I was teary eyed all day. What's up with that? Were my hormones playing tricks on me? I seemed to have a tissue in my hand all day.

A good nights sleep and a bright morning have cleared my mind. I do believe I was feeling sorry for myself. I had dreaded Monday because I was going to have to take care of something that Brent would have taken care of. Last Tuesday Samuel and I were set to mow the yard and weed eat. Samuel showed me how to put the string on the weed eater. By the way that weed eater is a large heavy Stihl that Brent used for his lawn business. It's so heavy and I have to really push hard on the handle to make it go. Samuel got on the mower and it would not start. It was deader that a door nail. I told Samuel just to go on in the house. I started weed eating. I was struggling with that monster of a weed eater, but I was destroying those weeds. It ran out of fuel. I put some more in it and started again. Low and behold, the weeder eater engine was running but it was turning on the end. I went and got Samuel so he could fix it. I had broken the handle! Argh! I guess you might be wondering why I just didn't have Samuel weed eat. I like to weed eat, I want to learn to be the master of the weed eater, and I need to learn all about how to take care of my property.

I let the whole week go by while I pondered on what I wanted to do. I finally decided to take the mower battery and the weed eater to Small Engines in town. I left the weed eater to be fixed and they were out of batteries so I went to the auto store. There was some rain yesterday which made me realize I needed new windshield wipers. The last time I bought a windshield wiper I couldn't figure out how it went on there. I taped it on with black electrical tape! It worked. I asked the guy at the auto store if he would put them on for me 'cause I didn't know how to do it. He was happy to do it. I told him my husband had passed away and that it used to take care of those things. He told me he understood. His father had passed away and his mother was in the same position. So, things should be looking better. The weed eater is being fixed, I have a new battery for the mower and the new windshield wipers are great.

I had some more time before Tae Kwon Do so I decided to stop by the Ford dealership. There was a recall on the cam sensor for my make and model of truck. They told me I could come in anytime. I also wanted to have the alarm removed from the truck. It's a pain and doesn't work properly. My remote is about shot and I wonder where will I be when it finally gives out. I put a new battery in it, but that didn't solve the problem.

Brent took care of the outside things including the yard, maintenance of the mower and truck, trimming weeds and trees etc., etc., etc. Yesterday I realized how much I missed him. I don't like taking care of those things. I want to get in the truck and go where I need to go and not worry about whether or not it needs fixin'. Well, that's just to bad Helen! Pull yourself together and just get it done. Quit feeling sorry for yourself.

I'm not going cross country in a covered wagon, trying to build a new life in a new territory on the prairie, and plowing the fields for sustenance. But, I do feel like a pioneer in my little world. I have 22 acres that I must think about. The 2000 square feet or so I live in is not all that I must take care of. I'm not about to give up what's been in my family for over 60 years. I have friends, male and female, who have never married. They are doing just fine. I have to get over the fact that I must now take care of things that Brent used to take care of. There is more to my life than cooking, cleaning, blogging, photography, TV and genealogy. I'm acting like a spoiled brat. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. He does hear the cries of the widow.

My mind keeps remembering what Mr. Payne of Small Engines told me yesterday. "Come on up here and I'll have Lisa take you in the back and show you how to work on your mower and weed eater". His daughter was a hairdresser. She wasn't earning enough money so she ask her Dad if he would teach her about small engines. She's been doing it for 20 years. I'd be a fool not to take advantage of that offer.

Okay, I feel better now. Thank you for reading. I feel encouraged and hope that you do too. Ladies, if your husband takes the time to show you how to do something, pay attention and thank him for showing you how. Shame on me for letting things go in one ear and out the other!

Loss of Loved Ones

2008-07-07T01:35:00.006-05:00

Sunday I went to the viewing for the son of one of my bluegrassin' friends. I've been to several funerals and viewings since Brent's death. On the drive from home to the funeral I always contemplate the losses I have experienced and how their lives affected mine. Today was harder than most. A young man of only 34, Bobby was a son, brother, husband, and father. My heart is burdened for his wife and two young sons. I wish I could take away their pain and sorrow, but know that only God's grace and the love and support from their family and friends will see them through the tough weeks and months ahead.

Growing up in a Southern Baptist Church funerals were a common occurrence. I attended many funerals. But, it was not until the death of my maternal grandmother, Reba Sally Shirley Berry, that I felt a personal loss. I was only 12 and was at the doctor's office when the call came that she had died. I cried and let out all my tears that day. Twelve years later, in 1978, my maternal grandfather, Woodall O'Kuykendall Berry, died. He had lived with us 10 years and the last year of his life I didn't visit. He didn't know anyone and was curled in a fetal position that last year. I didn't want to be around him. I cried tears of guilt for not visiting him.

My mother, Shirley May Berry Currie, died in 1993. This was the first time I experienced the deep and sorrowful death of someone I loved dearly. A brain aneurysm had put her in ICU for 4 months. I couldn't believe my mother was gone. I cried for months for the loss of my mother, the one who nursed me as an infant, who cared for me and loved me. I missed not being able to call her for a recipe or tell her about the bird I just saw on the bird feeder. I missed touch her.

Katherine Irene Shirley Davis, our "Katie" was still born December 28, 1996. Her life had been in my womb. She never knew the sorrows and heartaches of this world.

My father, Joe Monroe Currie, Sr. died November 10, 2006. I haven't shed a tear, not one tear for my father. He was a great father, dependable, open minded, thoughtful, and yet stoic. When you read about Zeno of Citium, the Greek philosopher, you learn that his belief was that a wise man is free from passion and indifferent to grief or joy. Daddy's middle name should have been "austere". I loved him and honored him by being his caregiver until his death. He and I were complete opposites that is until his death. It was then that I was stoic about his death.

Six months following Daddy's death Brent died on May 05, 2007. You can read my other post about my loss of Brent.

Today I was thinking of all of them, remembering what each one had meant to me. What happens after you die? My faith says you will go to heaven or hell. But, what happens to those who are left behind? What will they remember about you? You were a great parent but not a wonderful mother or father. Are your loved ones left wondering how they are going to go on with life without you? Are there unresolved issues that your family will wonder about? Did you leave a godly heritage for your children? Has your family been taken care of financially?

The loved ones you leave behind will go on with their lives, make decisions for themselves, find jobs, and marry again. What is left? There will be memories of good and bad times, some papers and photos and a few personal items they have decided to keep.

Live each day as if it were your last, tell your loved ones how much you love them and how important they are to you. When you wake in the morning thank the Lord for His lovingkindness in giving you another day to be with them. Make memories that will last them the rest of their lives.

Red-bellied Woodpecker Melanerpes carolinus

2008-07-06T14:05:00.009-05:00

On Mother's Day this year I treated myself to some birdwatching items that included bird feeders, black oil sunflower seeds and thistle seeds. It was nearly a week before the birds started coming to the feeder. What a treat is was to see them come. My first visitors were Titmouse and Chickadee.

This photo of a Red-bellied Woodpecker was taken on Wednesday, June 11, 2008. The video is of a fledging Red-bellied Woodpecker. I have seen the parents feeding the fledging. What a treat to see this happening.

You can visit http://www.enature.com/fieldguides to learn more.

Green Treefrog Hyla cinerea

2008-07-06T02:41:00.009-05:00

Friday, June 13, 2008 I had a tree frog visit our patio window. I was able to take several photos of him and listen to him croak. He visited for nearly an hour. He kept me company while I was unloading the dishwasher.

I enjoy these moments of nature. They are small treasures that always give me pleasure. I hope you'll have one visit you.

Click on the blog post title: Green Treefrog to learn more about this little tree frog.

What's For Dinner?

2008-07-05T02:09:00.005-05:00

After watching cooking shows all day, Abigail was ready to have dinner. She wanted to make some crackers. I couldn't find the recipe I had in mind so we settled on Cheese Straws. Instead of making straws I had her roll them out very thin and cut into squares. They were delicious. We decided to share in the preparation of dinner. Abigail made the meatloaf and vinaigrette for the salad. I made the spinach salad and the candied carrots.

Abigail wanted to make the vinaigrette and use the herbs from our patio garden. She chose sage, parsley and rosemary. She added extra virgin olive oil, balsamic vinegar, a pinch of sugar and blended it in the blender. It was a nice flavor over the spinach, red onion, red bell pepper, tomatoe, Swiss cheese, cheddar cheese and Parmesan cheese. Those cheese straw crackers were really good with the salad.

The meatloaf was served with cream of mushroom soup. It was a great meal.

Cooking

2008-07-04T19:22:00.004-05:00

Abigail and I watched the Food Network's, "The Next Food Network Star" marathon today. The contestants have been tested not only on their ability to prepare and cook food, but also on their knowledge of food, presentation, marketing skills, ability to cook anywhere and to show why they should be the next Food Network Star. Gosh, I couldn't make it as a Food Network Star! To much pressure for me. For years I've been the star of my own cooking show, "Momma's Home Cooking at Home". Like most of you I am my family's favorite cook.

I started cooking when I was eleven. My mother taught me to make homemade pie crust, to use fresh apples from the tree, and mace was the spice my mother used in her apple pies. By the time I was thirteen I had made Thanksgiving Dinner with all the homemade pies, cakes, ham and turkey with dressing and side dishes. I met Brent and started cooking for him. He liked all kinds of foods and would always ask me, "Can you make ______? Is it hard to make?" Cooking is not hard, some things just take a little more time to prepare. I enjoyed cooking for him. He appreciated my cooking and would certainly let me know if it wasn't my best.

He loved biscuits and I tried all our married life to get that RIGHT biscuit. I never could. Oh, they were pretty good and I never had to throw them out. Of all the biscuits I've ever eaten I will say the blue ribbon winner of biscuit making is my friend, Trina Pearl. Her biscuits are light and flaky and so yummy.

For many years Brent hunted and fished. I've cooked squirrel, coon, dove, deer and elk ( a gift from a neighbor) and different fresh water fish. We went the whole foods route where I made whole wheat bread from wheat berries that I would grind with my mill. We bought organic foods, had our own vegetable garden, raised rabbits for meat, chickens for eggs and goats for milk. We tried all kinds of diets. The Atkins diet, Whole Wheat Bread and Potato diet, Mediterranean diet, Low fat diets, Suzanne Somers and many more.

Food was always an experience in the Davis household. Even when Brent was in the hospital receiving chemo and radiation treatments he was thinking about food. Chemo takes over a person's whole body. While destroying the cancer in our bodies the mind becomes confused, slow to remember the simplest things and destroys our sense of smell and taste. Brent was repulsed by the smell of styrofoam cups, straws, hand washing soap, hand sanitizer, and body lotions and perfume. Most days simple things were usually a hostile encounter for Brent leaving him to reject sources of nutrition.

It is common for patients who are going through chemo to be deeply entertained by cooking shows. They long for they can't have and so they watch TV and read about food. Brent couldn't get enough of cooking shows. He talked about all of the foods he would cook when we got back home. Of the four months we were in Baltimore at Johns Hopkins Hospital he was at the apartment for a total of about 3 weeks. One afternoon he was watching one of Paula Deen's cooking shows. She was making salmon patties and had used saltine crackers to roll the patties in before frying. He asked me to make him some just like the ones Paula made. They really hit the spot for him. The week he was at the apartment I made them three different times.

I never would have thought that my interest in cooking would have changed with Brent's death. I've found my enthusiasm for cooking has left me. Breakfast and lunch are individual choices for all of us. Occasionally I will make a big breakfast for Samuel's enjoyment. Abigail enjoys non-breakfast foods in the morning. Dinner is always a hot meal made from scratch. Abigail has become interested in cooking and will very often prepare dinner.

Subscribing To My Blog

2008-07-02T23:22:00.003-05:00

I added a new feature to my blog. In the right hand column you can see "Subscribe To" my blog. Click and make your choice. It is linked to Google, Bloglines, Netvibes, Newsgator, Yahoo and Atom.

If you enjoy reading my blog and get tired of coming back and seeing there is no new post, this might be thing for you. I'm always coming up with ideas for my blog, but never seem to get around to writing what's on my mind.

Metal Detecting

2008-07-01T22:04:00.013-05:00

In the late 1800's scientist and engineers were using their knowledge of electrical theory to invent a machine that would pinpoint metal. In 1937 Gerhard Fisher was granted a patent for a metal detector. In the early years of World War II a Polish officer, Lt. Josef Stanislaw Kosacki, refined Fisher's design for practical use. After WW II there was a surplus of detectors on the market which were being bought by relic hunters. Thus began metal detecting as a hobby.

Friday, June 27, 2008 was an exciting day in my front yard. My cousin Becki's husband, Tom, likes to metal detect. Since their first visit last year he has wanted to come back and metal detect. My parents bought the property in 1943 before metal detectors were available for the general public. Knowing that this property was virgin territory was very exciting for Tom. Abigail and I were both very interested in learning what it was all about.

Friday morning while I was visiting my hospice patient, Tom was in my front yard with his White's 6000 metal detector. The detector beeped indicating there was something between a penny and an aluminum pop top. He begin to dig the spot not knowing what he would find. He brushed off the dirt and realized he had a button. He brought it into the house to get a better look. He could see the eagle on the front, the letter "I" in the center. It was a Union Civil War button! I was thrilled. I'm ready to research this property to find out more about the people who lived here years ago.

My sister Grace told me that one of her former neighbors had told her there used to be a fort here. I called the neighbor to hear the story from him. Fort Harris was an encampment just down the road. When he comes to visit at Thanksgiving he will show me where it used to be, including the confederate graves.

The back of the button (image below from the web) had lettering on it. We looked around on the web and found who the maker of the button was. You can visit the following site to see the description:
http://www.relicman.com/backHorstmannA.htm, look for HorstmannA10 var (21mm) about half way down the page.

History

2008-06-29T12:20:00.018-05:00

What is history to you? Is it the exciting adventure of people who lived before you? Was it a text book you had to read in high school? Is it dreary, uninteresting facts that mean nothing to you? History is fascinating to me in all forms. I enjoy reading history books, researching my own family history, visiting living history sites and museums.

I was introduced this week to a couple of new and interesting ways of learning history. My cousin, Becki Redwine Buchmann and her husband, Tom, came for a visit. They're on their way to Gettysburg, Pennsylvania where they will participate as reenactors at the Battle of Gettysburg which originally took place on July 1-3, 1863. Becki showed my sister, Grace, and I the clothes that she and Tom wear when reenacting. She explained how she made some of their clothes and why they were made that way. The dress above is one of her favorites. She took the bodice to the dry cleaners to have it cleaned before she was to make a TV appearance. When she went to pick it up she was horrified to find that it turned a faded green color. What was she going to do? One of her reenactor friends ask her how many yards she had in the skirt. There were 8 yards of material in the skirt. She was able to take 2 yards of material out of the skirt and use for the bodice. The inside of the garment has been beautifully finished.
In the second photo you can the antique beads she added to the bodice. Although the dress is cotton it is quite heavy. The third photo shows the gauging on the skirt. She showed this technique to Abigail who has already made two dresses for her Barbie doll. Something else that the dresses in her collection have in common is the binding on the hem. Because the dresses are long and touch the ground the binding prevents the hem from becoming frayed. When the binding does become worn the skirt is taken apart and turned upside down. The hem now becomes the waist and the waist becomes the hem with new binding. Grace asked her about washing the clothes. They are not washed to often. They are spot cleaned. I wondered about body odor. Many of these reenactments are done in the summer in high temperatures. Becki wears full cotton under garments which keeps the body odor and body oils away from the clothes. The clothes that Becki sews or buys have been made using sewing techniques from the 1860's period. She and Tom have 12 years of experience as reenactors and she was able to answer ours questions with ease.

2008-06-10T22:21:00.003-05:00

Thursday night, June 05, 2008 Mike and Anna were hard at work decorating the church and the reception hall. They found a lovely old church in town to have their wedding. Anna had spent the past two years buying things on sale to use as decorations for the wedding. It all paid off. The decorations were simple and lovely. The above video clip shows the inside of the church. The music in the background is from Samuel's CD.

Anna and Mike's Wedding, June 07, 2008

2008-06-09T01:03:00.003-05:00

Can't Sleep

2008-06-06T04:06:00.002-05:00

I'm wide awake and it's 4:10 am. I got all snug in the bed and laid there for an hour and a half with my eyes closed and it didn't work. I went to the kitchen and made myself some Raisin Bread toast and drank some milk. This is not the time for me to be wide awake. I go to see my hospice patient in a few hours. I need to be bright eyed and bushy tailed! I have errands to run later in the day. My oldest daughter, Anna, is getting married Saturday and there are a lot of things to do. I'm listening to my Thunderstorm CD hoping it will relax me and help me to fall asleep.

Being awake at this hour is not uncommon. I think it has something to do with menopause. My sister is also having this same problem. She's a very routine person but she's finding herself waking in the early hours not being able to sleep either. Our mother had the same problem. She would go to the living room and watch a little TV, sew or read a book.

Brent always called me a hoot owl. Many were the times he would call for me to come to bed. He told me he couldn't sleep until I came to bed. Sometimes I would lie there waiting for him to start snoring then get out of bed and quietly go to the living room and busy myself with something.

MySpace, Facebook, Blogs and CarePages

2008-06-01T19:45:00.005-05:00

Facebook.com
I had a friend send me an invitation to Facebook. I accepted and thought I wouldn't use it much. Oh, I'm having a great time with it. It is a mindless way to occupy your time and yet keep in touch with friends and relatives who live far and wide. For you older folks (of course, this includes me) it is a great way to relate to your children, nieces and nephews, and young adult friends. Great for cousins who might live far apart. Facebook allows you to load as many photos as you would like. My favorite application on Facebook has turned out to be "Pieces of Flair". You can select from hundreds of buttons with sayings, photos, cartoons, Bible verses and so many more. You send them to your friends and they can post them to their bulletin board. I admit with embarrassment that I spent a good deal of time yesterday making my own "Pieces of Flair". My favorite flair was the one I made from a photo of Brent. I sent it to my friends who knew him. I also made one from a photo of a panda that I took at the zoo. You can list flairs in the directory for everyone to use or in the case of the photo flair of Brent I kept that one to myself and can send it to the people I choose. To my surprise I've had 16 people choose my panda to send to their friends. Guess what? It feels good that the flair I created was chosen by someone else.

MySpace.com
My oldest daughter, Anna, has had a MySpace page for a long time. She decided to set one up for Brent before he went to Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore, MD. She said it would be a great way to let people know about his leukemia and what was going on with him. I just couldn't get into it. Well, after spending all this time with Facebook, Anna tells me MySpace is just as good as Facebook. Okay, so now I'm spending this evening setting up a MySpace account. I'll see how I like it.

Blogs
The diarist in me loves to write on my blog. I enjoy writing life stories/moments and sharing them with others hoping they will be encouraged. My friend Liz is an avid blogger. She rarely misses putting something on her blog on a daily basis. I freeze when I begin thinking about writing on my blog. I begin thinking about how long it will take me to write my thoughts, or I think "Nobody wants to read about so and so or this and that." Liz will send me ideas, or tell me to just post a photo or a joke. I feel guilty, as all diarist, when I don't write something everyday. I'm a big procrastinator and it is easy to find an excuse. I'm not even moved by the fact that my visitor counter hasn't moved for several days. But, my blog is here for me whenever I need it.

Grandma and Grandpa set up a blog for your grandchildren, nieces and nephews. Write family stories and add photos.

CarePages.com
What a blessing CarePages was for me. The spouse of a patient at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore, MD told me about the CarePages. They are free pages where you can share updates about your loved ones illness or hospital stay. You can post up to the minutes updates and photos to hundreds of friends and family. Your friends can send you messages of encouragement and let you know they are praying for you and your loved one. CarePages was my lifeline to friends and family back home. In the evening when I came back home to the apartment I could write an update about Brent and send photos. It helped me to keep my thoughts together and keep me sane for the 4 months we were there.

It may be hard for the older generation to relate to these electronic ways of communicating, but it is certainly something that young people embrace. RSVP's, long hand written letters, and thank you notes are all but gone. The days of spending my summers writing 15 page letters, to pen pals and classmates who had moved away, are long gone.

The above web sites are great ways to keep in contact with family and friends who are near or far away. They all provide you with the option of only sharing your page with "friends only". I hope you'll try one.

Hospice

2008-05-23T15:48:00.003-05:00

Today I visited with my patient. The patient was in pants and a tee-shirt. It is a good sign they feel better. It is so rewarding to sit and talk with my patient. The three hours I spend in their home just flies by. After the spouse leaves we talk awhile and then the patient ask for strawberries. I fix some for the patient and they always ask me to fix some for myself. We sit enjoying our strawberries and share our stories. The simple act of sharing some strawberries helps my patient feel as if they are still a part of the world. They are able to have a social time and to show their hospitality.

The Old Bridge

2008-05-10T00:45:00.010-05:00

This old bridge holds many memories for me. Years ago our family would cross this bridge on our way into Memphis to see my grandparents and relatives. Daddy crossed the bridge on his way to work and so did I when I started working.

Twenty five or more years ago there were improvements made to the road along with giving it a new direction. The bridge was closed to traffic.

Brent was raised in the city, but had the heart of a country boy. He loved living in the country. The first couple of years that Brent and I were married we went fishing together, or Brent and my brother-in-law would go fishing or hunting. When Brent and Ronnie would go coon hunting my sister, Grace, and I would take turns going to each others house. We'd stay up until the boys got home from hunting. Sometimes it would be 2-3 am. We spent the time playing Scrabble, drinking coffee, cooking, watching TV, talking or cleaning house. My sister taught me how to cook those coons. It taste very much like beef roast. It is excellent cooked with sweet potatoes and gravy. Even our dogs, Bob (Grace & Ronnie's blue tick hound) and Tandy (our lab & pit bull mix), were the best of friends. They both went hunting with Brent and Ronnie.

Ronnie grew up in the area and knew all the places to hunt and fish. Brent and Ronnie were always on the lookout for new places to fish or hunt. The old bridge had a new job. It became the perfect fishing pier. One evening Brent, myself, Ronnie and Grace went fishing off the old bridge. We had chaise lounge chairs, a cooler of drinks, and a lot of fishing poles. Brent and Ronnie set out all the poles and dropped them in water. There were small bells on the poles. When we got a bite the bells would ring a small soft sound. We were after catfish. We sat there from sunset to about 3 am. It was a wonderful time. There is never much traffic on that road and after midnight I don't remember seeing or hearing any cars. We were relaxed, talking and having a great evening.

This photo, taken about 1983, is of Tandy on the right and her son, Bear. They were our children before Anna was born.

The next photo is of my brother-in-law, Ronnie, taken about 1983 with his dog, Bob, and some of the coon hides. Unlike most owners of hunting dogs, Ronnie raised his hunting dogs in his home. He never put them in pens only to be brought out at hunting time.

The last photo, taken in August 1982, is of Brent's catch from the pond on the back of the property. We ate good that night and had some to put in the freezer too!

Wonderful Comments About Brent

2008-05-08T23:38:00.004-05:00

The photo above was taken in 2004 at Turkey Track Bluegrass Park in Waldron, Arkansas. We would go three times a year for about 10-11 days. Brent picked with his buddies for hours at a time 2-3 times a day. He loved it.

I'm posting comments from some of the emails that I have received this week. I'll put them in quotations and will keep the name of the person who sent the email private. I wanted to share how much Brent was loved and well thought of.

"I watched it all tonight. I loved that crazy guy and as I said before........I may never delete this ........some great shots.........of a great guy..........he will never die in our hearts and those of us who remain can only hope to live the kinda lives that make people feel about us the way we do Brent."

"Thank you for sharing this. When I first received it, I didn't open it right away, and I had to get in the right frame of mind to do so. I considered Brent a good friend, even though we didn't get to see each other that often. When we did, we had a ball. I loved Brent, and I trust that God is giving you and yours peace."

"I saw your slide show of Brent, it was so fun to see the early pictures of Brent. And so heartwarming to see him with each of the kids. (I thought you were a lovely bride) I know you have many happy memories. Hold tight to them. . .they will become more precious. Your entire family has been on my mind all weekend. We love and miss seeing you all."

"We went out to see Brent yesterday. It is such a pretty place. We sure do miss him."

"That was beautiful! I think about him all of the time, but I love to remember him in pictures...larger than life and lovin' you and the kids so much. He talked about that all of the time...you had a spell on him. I always thought that was how I wanted my husband to talk about me when I wasn't around. Wonderful.""I remember the first time I met Brent and there was just something about him that was special. He was a loving husband, loving father and a good example to all of us, even until the end. He never gave in to the anger and he always showed us how to overcome obstacles that sometimes can't be overcome...you have to put your faith in God and He will lead you. I admire
you and the kids for keeping Brent with us. You are an amazing woman and a great inspiration. I can see him now, smiling and thinking how proud he is of how you have carried on in his name. Thanks for sharing the pictures of his life and keep up the Lord's work. We will all sing together one day in heaven. May God bless you, Helen, and the kids. What a way to be remembered! He left quite a legacy and I am just glad we were able to meet all of you and share a part of your life."

"Thank you Helen. That made me laugh and cry. I sure do miss him."

"Thank you for sending the picture blog to me . I've had Brent on my mind along with the rest of you for several days. I was mowing the grass yesterday, that's when I unwind and just let my mind wander on it's own. My mind was filled with thoughts of Brent and all the conversations he and I had and the times we had together. I'm not much on show or expressing my emotions but I must tell you that I miss that man badly. I regret that I didn't have the chance to meet him earlier in life. But I do cherish the time I did have. Meeting him and you had an impact on my life that will go with me forever."

"I thought about him all day on Saturday. I knew it would be a tough day for you and we will certainly visit your blog. I can still hear him singing. We miss him and want you to know how much we loved him and still love your whole family."

"WOW...I'm wip'in away tears. He did more than most folks could ever dream of doing in his shortened life."

Brent and Cheeseburgers

2008-05-08T13:30:00.006-05:00

The photo on the left is of Molly Elizabeth Campbell Davis, their son Louie, I mean, Santa, and Lancy Warren Davis. The half body is of Brent.

Brent loved eating cheeseburgers. He always liked to tell the story about the time he stayed with his grandfather, Lancy Warren Davis. Brent was young, under the age of 10. If I remember correctly, Uncle Don was in the hospital. Brent's grandmother, Molly Elizabeth Campbell Davis, was staying with Uncle Don, her son, in the hospital. Brent went to stay with his grandfather as company while Don and his grandmother were at the hospital. PawPaw, (Lancy) ask Brent what he wanted to eat that week. Brent told him he wanted to eat cheeseburgers and drink a coke everyday. They ate cheeseburgers and drank coke everyday!

Brent never got tired of eating them. At least once a week, Brent would grill them and I would on very rare occasions fry them. After Brent's death I noticed the mustard was lasting at least 6 months instead of a month and the pickles were not being eaten. I haven't bought pickles since before Brent died. I realized after his death that the kids and I were not eating cheeseburgers. The kids and I like them but we never think about having them. This week we've had cheeseburgers several times!

Brent

2008-05-05T00:27:00.003-05:00

One year ago today, May 05, 2007 I lost my husband Brent to leukemia. We would have been married 26 years on May 16, 2007. The kids and I, his family and friends have missed him. He was a hard working man who loved and enjoyed his family. This week I will be showing you his life in photos. I have so many photos and it takes awhile to scan them. I will add slide shows during the week. I hope you will enjoy them.

My oldest daughter, Anna, and I were talking about him this evening. Our greatest time of saddest comes for both of us when we see MLG&W trucks. He worked for the utility company, MLG&W, for 19 years. He spent 3 years trying to get a job with them. I remember the day the lady from personal called to tell us he had the job. I cried tears of joy. It was in January of 1988. He was going to have to drive into town and do all the paperwork that was required. The Memphis area rarely gets snow, but that year there was about a foot of snow on the ground. We were so happy, yet apprehensive about his having to drive in that snow. He had been doing carpentry work for about 1-2 years trying to make ends meet. He and my brother-in-law, Ronnie, would go hunting and fishing to bring meat home. We also raised rabbits for meat, and had a vegetable garden. Our landlord had guineas and I'd gather the eggs. There were pear, apple and pecan trees on the property too. To help pay the rent he worked out a deal with our landlord to paint the houses on the property. Getting that job at MLG&W was a wonderful blessing. He worked the first 10 years on second shift. He was a mechanic for about 17 years and then transferred to the gas department. He worked at MLG&W and I worked at home caring for our children.

When I see those MLG&W trucks there are so many memories that come flooding back. He worked hard to support his family and never complained. He was the kind of man who could fix things at home. When the dryer didn't work he could repair it. He could till the soil for a garden, hunt and fish, repair our automobiles, build anything out of wood, and most importantly he was the spiritual leader of our home. Those trucks represent his willingness to work hard, to love, support, and care for his family.

Tinkertoys

2008-04-04T03:39:00.007-05:00

"It is a happy talent to know how to play."

Ralph Waldo Emerson
American writer
1803-1882

Tinkertoys have provided wonderful imaginative playtime for many children in their 95 year history. The inventor of Tinkertoys was Charles Hamilton Pajeau, born August 18, 1875, the son of Joseph and Mary Pajeau. In the 1900 Federal census dated June 07th he and his wife, Grace Fuller Pajeau, were living with his parents in Hyde Park in Chicago, Cook Co., Ill. They were in the granite business. Stories abound that after watching children at play with sticks, pencils and spools of thread Charles was inspired to make the Tinkertoys. He introduced the toys at the 1913 American Toy Fair in New York. They were overlooked at the fair, so Charles took them to New York City. He made deals with the managers of two drug stores to sell his Tinkertoys. Charles built a Tinkertoy windmill and set it in the display window of the drugstore. Using electric fans to power the windmills, it was to much to resist. One location sold 1500 sets in 5 days. Within a year of introducing Tinkertoys he had sold between 900,000 - 1 million sets. Charles' World War I Draft Registration Card list his occupation as a manufactuer. His employers name "The Toy Tinker". Reports are that he had a partner, Robert Petit, who designed the canister that held the Tinkertoys.

My brother, Joe, had a set of Tinkertoys. My mother kept them in a box saving them for the day my brother would have a son of his own. The Tinkertoys are still here at our house. When he was about 9 years old he entered a Tinkertoy contest and won for the State of Tennessee with his moon rover model. Although Tinkertoys were thought of as toys for young boys, girls find them interesting also.

Earlier in the day I heard usual noises coming from Abigail's room. I thought it might be her guinea pig, Rose, rustling around in her cage. The noise persisted. It was Abigail. She was at her desk playing with the Tinkertoys. I left her to her project. It was later that I found out she had built something I haven't seen built with Tinkertoys. A canopy bed for her doll!

Charles Hamilton Pajeau was one of many toys inventors in the State of Illinois. He was one of many who helped make the Chicago area famous for their toy industry. Over the years there have been several changes in Tinkertoys with color being added in the 1950's, the company was sold to Playskool in 1985, redesigned in 1992 for their 80th anniversary and now the wooden toys have gone to plastic. Tinkertoys have been honored at the National Toy Hall Of Fame. Through all those changes one thing hasn't changed. Children still love to create with their hands what their minds dream of.

Resources:

http://www.strongmuseum.org/NTHoF/NTHoF.html

http://inventors.about.com/library/inventors/bltinkertoy.htm

http://toys.about.com/od/hotnewtoyreleases/a/toyhalloffame2_4.htm

http://www.hasbro.com/default.cfm?page=ci_history_tinkertoy

http://chicagohistory.org/static_media/pdf/historylab/CHM-historylabPc01.pdf

1900 Federal Census, Hyde Park, Chicago, Cook Co., Ill

World War I Draft Registration Card

Deep Hollow Bluegrass Plays at Young's Deli

2008-04-02T01:00:00.005-05:00

Tonight (Tuesday) I went to see and hear "Deep Hollow Bluegrass" play at Young's Deli. The band plays the kind of bluegrass I like to hear. Traditional with a contemporary sound. The band consist of Bobby Williams-banjo, Steve Craig-upright bass, Lee Fiorinelli-fiddle, Matt Crockett-guitar and Jason Hayes-mandolin. I have only recently met Bobby and Jason. My husband, Brent, was in two bands with Steve. The first was Brush Arbor, Brent played guitar and Steve played bass. The second was Brent's band, Loosahatchie Grass. Steve played bass and Brent played mandolin and some guitar. Steve is one of the hardest working bluegrassers around. He plays in two bands, Deep Hollow and Single Tree. He also plays with other bands when they need a fill in bass player. Brent picked with Lee at local pickin's. In July of 2002 Matt was playing at a local jam the first night Brent went to hear bluegrass. Matt was playing with 3 other guys that Tuesday night. Brent was on fire when he came home from that pickin'. The next Tuesday night I went with Brent and we stood there for 3 hours listening to Matt and these other guys play. Several months ago I drove nearly two hours to listen to Deep Hollow play in Como, MS. It was the first time I'd heard them play. I spent most of the night with tears in my eyes. The songs they played were the ones Brent sang all the time. Tonight I enjoyed the show and shed no tears. They sang 'How Mountain Girls Can Love', 'Rough Edges', 'When You Go Wakin' After Midnight', some of my favorites that Brent sang. It felt good to have happy memories of Brent. Thank you Deep Hollow. I look forward to seeing and hearing them again.

To hear samples of their music visit: http://www.myspace.com/deephollow63

Upright Bass

2008-03-30T11:28:00.005-05:00

Brent would come home everyday after work and play bluegrass music for several hours. He'd mostly play mandolin, but would sometimes play guitar. Many times he would sing and play the same song all night long trying to learn the best way to pick and sing it. I miss listening to him play and sing. Oh, I have 100's of bluegrass CD's I can listen to, but it's just not the same as hearing it live. He tried to teach me how to play the upright bass, but I seemed to never find the time to practice.

Occasionally, I will have a bluegrass pickin' at my house. I fix a big pot of something to eat and hope someone shows up. If no one shows up at least I have a clean house and supper ready at 6PM. Last night Eddie, Angie and their son, James, stopped by as well as my neighbor Tony. I mentioned that I still had Brent's bass. Tony and Eddie told me I needed to go get and play it. I told them I couldn't play, but they said it didn't matter. Just try it. They were patient with me and encouraged me to keep on playing. Abigail wanted to try too. She and I both had a great time because we were participants. I suppose if I'm going to try to play bass, I should learn at least one song. Oh, the thought of it curls my hair! I'd rather stand in front of an audience of 1000's and talk rather than sing. It's always better to have someone sing along rather than just have someone pick all night. Eddie sings and Tony will. Angie has a nice voice and sang a few too. My experience has been that bluegrass pickers are all about you trying. They'll help you learn and are always encouraging. What do I have to loose? If I can get up in front of all those folks at Tae Kwon Do surely I can sing a song!

During the five years that Brent picked bluegrass I saw him go from not knowing how to play to being in three different bands. He loved bluegrass music and the people who played it. If I could learn to pick and play bluegrass music it would be another wonderful way to remember him. He would be pleased!

Happy Birthday Anna

2008-03-23T01:38:00.003-05:00

My little girl was 24 years old on Saturday, March 22, 2008. She and Mike came over for supper. Anna has grown into a lovely young woman. She's always loved animals and is now a manager of a grooming salon. She enjoys her work. She has an avid interest in photography, owns 4 dogs, about 15 birds and a horse. She and Mike are getting married in June.
Abigail baked Anna some chocolate chip cookies and surprised her with them.

Snow

2008-03-17T00:02:00.008-05:00

Snow? In the Memphis area we know about snow we just happen to not get it very often. Some of our biggest snowfalls have been in March. We did have one in early April about 1987 or 1988. Anna was just a little girl. The apple tree was in full bloom.

This snow storm started about 1 PM. I thought we would end up with about 2 inches. The temperature was dropping and my mind started to change after a couple of hours. I was surprised by my reaction to the snow. As a wife and mother I had mixed feelings about the snow. I used to be concerned about Brent driving to work in the snow and the fact the children always wanted to go in out all day long. Wet clothes every where, thinking about all the extra laundry and if I needed to drive somewhere. Now, there is no worry about Brent driving in the snow, the children are older and don't go in and out all day and I don't have to drive anywhere. By 6:30 PM the wind was blowing hard and the snow kept on coming. It was going to be a beautiful snow. A snow that would cover the ground completely like having a soft fluffy white down comforter on your bed.

By 8:30 AM the next morning there was a beautiful yard outside. Picture perfect in my mind. I took some photographs to remember the beauty that was before me. The temperature was rising and by afternoon it would all be gone. I'm not sure how much snow we did have. At least 4 inches

Tae Kwon Do, New Belts for Abigail and Helen

2008-03-16T22:26:00.009-05:00

The anticipation had been building all week. I was going to test for my yellow belt on Friday, March 14, 2008. I was getting nervous and was not ready to get out on that red carpet in front of everyone. What would everyone think about that old fat woman testing for a Tae Kwon Do yellow belt? Reluctantly, I wrote the check and paid for Abigail and I both to test. Some of the mothers of the other children were very supportive and told me I could do it. My thoughts were all consumed with what are "they" going to think. The drive to Tae Kwon Do took forever. Unsure of what my kicking combos were, I drilled Abigail the whole way there. She was reassuring and told me I would do just fine.

Avoiding the red carpet I sat down for a little while talking with the other mothers. They were encouraging me and said they would root me on. I found another distraction when I found out one of the students in the class was the son of a graduate from my high school. He and I caught up on over 35 years of our respective life stories. Abigail finally came for me and said it was time to warm up and practice my kicking combos. Before I knew it, the time had come for all students to line up. Our instructor, Mr. Wiggins, spoke to us asking how we were and reminding us of how hard we had worked the past two months. As a group we had to go through our drills of stretching splits, punches and leg lifts. We also seem to do a lot of sitting down and getting back up and sitting back down. By the time I get off the floor to stand the other students have already been up and down a couple of times. I just keep on going and doing the best I can. Doing your best is what is important.
These past two months have proven to me that I have more in me than I thought. The strength in my legs and arms has gotten much stronger. I realized it the other day when I had to bend down to the bottom of the refrigerator and look for something that was all the way in the back. In the photo on the left I'm doing a butterfly stretch. When I was younger my knees would be touching the floor. I wonder how long it will take for me to be able to get my knees on the floor? I notice that I sleep better and have a livelier step. One of the reasons I signed up was to get in shape. I'll admit there are pains in my knees that I'm not to fond of. They'll get better the more I work.
After doing my white pattern before the Black belt judges it was time for those dreaded kicking combos. My partner was fellow student and parent, Chris. Side kick, side kick reverse punch. That means I have to kick sideways with the top of my foot and before I let my leg down to the floor I must kick once again all the while keeping my balance. Oh, man! Holding my legs up for that short amount of time seems like an eternity when I'm doing it! It was over before I knew it. Our group, white belts through purple belts were finished and now it was time to sit and watch the higher belts break their boards. It's amazing to watch those little kids break boards.

Abigail and I received our new belts. She is now a blue belt which means she gets sticks! She's very excited about that. I'm a yellow belt. There will be new patterns for each of us to learn. After it was all over I realized that while I was out on the red carpet I wasn't thinking about what everybody thought about me. I was concentrating on what I needed to do. I really did enjoy the evening. I shook the hands of my instructors and told them I had enjoyed it. I felt it from the bottom of my heart.

Self defense, self confidence and exercise were why I signed up. I've gained them all and it feels good. You're never to old and you can teach an old dog new tricks! The embarrassment I felt before is gone. I'm doing something good for myself. Now, what's keeping you from doing something you've wanted to do?

Hospice

2008-03-10T13:13:00.003-05:00

I visited with the caregiver today as my patient was sleeping. It is the art of small talk that makes things go smoothly. You listen, you laugh, you share your own stories and it all comes together to give the family some respite from the day to day living.

My job as a volunteer is not to change their lives or circumstances but, it is to give comfort for the long days ahead. Caring for a loved one who is in their last days can be all consuming. There is no rest for your body or your mind. The diversions of a volunteer are welcome relief.

Today as I was leaving the caregiver hugged me and thanked me for making them feel better. It is rewarding to know that simple gestures and small talk can make a difference in someone's life.

Hospices across America need your help. If you feel uncomfortable sitting with a patient perhaps you could volunteer in their office. I'm sure they could find a way to use the talents you have. Consider volunteering your time.

I came away today feeling encouraged.

A Cold Morning Walk

2008-03-05T01:46:00.007-06:00

Abigail asked me to go for a walk Tuesday morning. It was about 34 degrees. There was a light, almost invisible snow falling. We walked up the long driveway taking small steps because of Sidney, the cat. He likes to walk right at your feet. Our yellow lab, Roscoe was also along for the walk. We saw some bluebirds and juncos. There were new buds on some of the trees. New life, new beginnings, spring is almost here! The field is full of clover which the deer love to eat. We see them sometimes in the early morning or a night. There are usually about 5-6 of them.

Abigail and I didn't stay out long. The temperature seemed colder than we thought. The kind of cold that is wet and bone chilling.

Just as we got to the end of the driveway there was some wind blowing through these pine trees. What a lovely sound. The sound of wind blowing through pines trees stops me in my tracks. Perhaps because we can't see air it's appealing listening to it whistle through pine needles.

What memories will our children have when we are gone? My children have taught me that the small moments we think are in insignificant mean the most to them. Spending time taking walks, having conversations, holding hands, hugs and kisses, listening to their ideas and thoughts, supporting their interest, preparing those specials meals, taking a drive around the community, teaching them to deal with people mean the most. They will cherish those memories. These memory making moments have nothing to do with money, but have to do with our time. Compared to a life time, their young lives are very short. The time you spend with them in their youth will last them a lifetime.

Dinner With the Children

2008-03-04T01:33:00.003-06:00

Anna and Mike came over for a family dinner. Anna asked me to fix Pork Chops, Country Fried Potatoes, Lima Beans and Cornbread. I threw in an Organic Baby Spring Mix Salad for good measure! It's nice to have the children all together for some conversation, some laughs and catching up a news.

Mike and Anna have set their wedding date for June 07, 2008.

Hospice

2008-03-04T00:47:00.004-06:00

I visited my hospice patient again today (Monday). I brought them some buttercups from my yard. They were appreciated. The patient was in a talkative mood again. We talked about our children, food, and the beautiful weather we had yesterday on Sunday. The patient took a couple of catnaps. We laughed, we were quite, and sometimes we just smiled at each other. As I was leaving an old friend stopped by to see how they were doing.

It takes so little to give someone joy and happiness. Being able to express their feelings helps them to relieve some of their stress.

The time I spend with my patient is uplifting and so encouraging.

My Niece and Nephew

2008-03-03T17:35:00.005-06:00

Here are some recent photos of my niece, Kathryn, and her big brother, my nephew, Joe.

Homeschooling Group, About 1990

2008-03-02T15:29:00.004-06:00

This photo is for all my homeschooling friends. The photo was taken in the fall of 1990 at the home of Bubba & Sarah Stewart. We were having a party for our Child Evangelism teacher, Ms Sue Taylor. My Anna is on the right in the back, the one with brown hair, peach or melon colored dress with the white collar.

It was a great time of fellowship for mothers and children. We met once a week for a couple of years. Several of these children are now grown and are homeschooling their own children.

This is my 18th year of homeschooling my own children. I can hardly believe it. The years have flown by. I have nine more years to go!

Click on the photo to see a larger size.

Organizing - Before and After

2008-03-02T02:06:00.005-06:00

My kitchen table was a mess this afternoon. I let
one thing stay and it seems to attract more things. Most of the time I throw my hands in the air and think it will take all day long to get it cleaned. Tae Kwon Do outfits, toilet paper, books, groceries and other odds and ends filled the table. I set my kitchen timer and started sorting the items according to their home. I took my time and put everything in it's place. I went outside and picked some buttercups and made a flower arrangement. Well, it certainly didn't take all day long. I was finished in 13 minutes! Now, it's a pleasant place to eat a meal. Fresh flowers always bring a smile and make guest feel welcome. I did add some baby's breath leftover from a bouquet of roses. I added some Nandina berries for more color. I bought the tablecloth at the Dollar Tree. I think next time I'll invest a few more dollars for a sturdier tablecloth. The table is very old. After my parent's home burned in January of 1960 we were given this table by one of Momma's friends, Juanita. :) It really needs to always have a tablecloth on it. I think it must have had another leaf in it. I grew up eating most of my meals at this table. Momma was one of those mothers who would hover around the table serving the family and not sitting down to eat her meal. One of my favorite memories is after dinner. Momma would empty all the leftover tea in her glass add sugar and lemon. I loved taking sips of it. Daddy wouldn't let us kids have sugar in our tea, salt our food at the table or eat to much butter. I guess since Momma was an adult and the parent she could have her tea anyway she wanted it!

The World is Waiting for the Sunrise

2008-03-01T02:32:00.004-06:00

First and most importantly this is a secret between me and you. I have taken parental control and made a decision that may get me in trouble with my son. Mum's the word. You didn't find this out from me, please! :) Probably best not to leave a comment and then he won't know!

In July when we went to Oklahoma (my dream trip) so Samuel could record a CD with our friend, Terry. While Abigail and I traipsed the countryside of Oklahoma for cemeteries, Samuel was recording his CD. It's all banjo tunes, because Sam does NOT sing. I have yet to have it reproduced. I better get on it! He and Terry put a lot of hard work and long hours into this CD.

This was one of the songs Samuel played at Brent's funeral. It's one of my favorite tunes.

Go to YouTube at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ObW-NXqNGF8 and you can listen.

Remember, mum's the word!

Greenbeans in the Garden - The West Girls

2008-03-01T01:54:00.005-06:00

Visit YouTube at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQ3CPlD9YD8
You'll be watching the video of my friend Vicki West and her girls. I met Vicki and her family 23 years ago during which time we attended the same church. Vicki is an open, vivacious woman who has embraced the simple life. I had not seen her in many years. Back during the summer I was taking Samuel to the pickin' in Jackson, TN. I also happened to run into my friends, the Rhodes, who I had not seen in a few years. During the conversation I found out that Vicki was also there. My friend, Joanie, had her camera ready while I surprised Vicki with my presence. We gave each other the biggest, hardest hug. We were so happy to see each other. She stopped singing and Joanie, Vicki and I had a long wonderful conversation. We all felt the need to fill the void of all those lost years of personal contact. We took up where we left off! We talked about our children, homeschooling and all our blessings!

Vicki was the one who told me about frying squash blossoms! Yummy!

Vicki and her daughters were the winners of some contest (I can't remember now) and the prize was a music video and the making of a CD. Vicki graciously gave me one her CD's.

I hope you'll enjoy their music.

Tae Kwon Do

2008-02-29T23:24:00.004-06:00

This photo of Abigail was taken on February 20, 2008. She's a purple belt, which is hard to see in this dark photo and with her wearing her blue suit. We usually take an adult class together and the other classes she takes with her peers. Taking classes with her peers she is able to spar. As a white belt I don't spar, yet!

I'm still alive! Through all the aches and pains of being an "older" student I can feel myself becoming stronger. Tonight (Friday, February 29th) we had to partner up. I partnered with a lady who is a black belt. She is shorter and not a heavy lady like myself. Oh, man! She does have power is that small body. We were partners a couple of weeks ago. Using the chest pad we did side kicks. I was in a back stance ready to take her kick. Knowing she was a black belt I felt sure she could kick pretty hard. That first kick knocked me back three feet. I was so surprised! She thought I was hurt. I explained that I wasn't hurt just shocked that she could kick so hard!

Tonight we used the chest pad again. We had to punch, punch and then hit with our elbow. While doing these punches we had to walk down the length of the red carpet and do it again back down the carpet. By the time I got to the end I was breathing heavy. Then, it was her turn. Down and back. It's easy to hold the pad. The next round was punch, punch, elbow hit and then a knee kick. When the knee comes up you grab your partners shoulder/shirt and pull them to you as you kick. While kicking you must make sure your knee is high and that your foot does not dangle. No dangle of the foot means someone else doesn't sweep with their foot and knock you down. Down the red carpet we go. The first pass had me winded and worn out. I was oblivious to what everyone else was doing. I wasn't conscious about how I looked. I only wanted to finish the drill. I thought each step, each punch and kick would be my last. My mouth was like the arid land of the desert! I need to practice breathing through the nose, and out through the mouth. The next drill was less exhausting! We started with the chest pad. We had to use a knife hand strike (open hand, fingers together and strike with the outside edge of the hand), then a ridge hand strike ( open hand, thumb tucked inside and strike with the inside or meaty part of the hand). Those pads seem mighty hard. Our last drill would be much easier!! Our partner held an old x-ray paper. We had to do a knife hand strike, ridge hand strike, spin and do another knife hand strike all while walking the red carpet! We did all these drills in about 30 minutes. The last sequence of strikes I lost my balance and went tumbling towards the wall. My partner was grabbing for me while I was reaching for the rails on the wall. Thankfully, I never hit the floor. I did not come out unscathed! There is injury to my big toe on my right foot. At the time I thought I may have jammed it a little. Now, 4 hours later I'm not sure. It's starting to hurt and uncomfortable to walk. The pain is moving up to the rest of my foot. Abigail has gone to the kitchen to get me some ice to put on it. Hmmm! I wonder what tomorrow will bring?

Great Day Organizing

2008-02-28T19:31:00.002-06:00

Today was a great day to organize. I helped the homeschooling mother who won first prize for 8 hours of my time to help organize her space. The Mother's Dinner was our first time to meet. Our day together was productive and we had a sweet time of fellowship. I'll be going back for one more day to help her organize.

On the drive to her home I was daydreaming about what I might find. I walked into her living room and thought she was much to hard on herself. It was tidy and clean. I couldn't imagine why she would need any help from me! Her clutter was hidden and really not that bad. She has a clean home and most would think she had no problems. Upstairs was a different story, yet it wasn't shameful. Not nearly as bad as she would believe.

I look forward to our next visit.

Shirley May Berry Currie

2008-02-27T10:56:00.007-06:00

08 NOV 1922 - 27 FEB 1993, Today marks the 15th anniversary of my mother's death. It's hard to believe she's been gone that long. Momma was a pleasant woman ready to serve her family. For 20 years she worked as a Nurse's Aide at St. Joseph Hospital, on the third shift. While we were at school she was at home sleeping. By the time we made it home from school, she had already started dinner. Everything was made from scratch. Chicken 'n Dumplings, Pinto Beans and Cornbread, Lemon Meringue Pie with homemade crust, assorted cakes made from scratch, and just so we didn't get bored she would prepare something like Veal Parmesan. Every Sunday we had Pot Roast, Mashed Potatoes, a green vegetable and homemade rolls. The nurses on Momma's shift would say, "Currie why don't you just give them TV dinners?" The closest we ever came to having TV dinners were the times my Daddy would go out of town on business. Momma would have fried shrimp and frozen cream pies. It was exciting for us kids knowing we would get to eat those special treats! The three of us kids would sit down at the dinner table. She was taking the last of the shrimp out of the frying pan. She would count out the shrimp so that we each had the same portion. She was always fair.

After she retired her goal was to identify all the trees on the 52 acre property, to read a biography of each President, sew, and do volunteer work of some kind. She was a docent for the Memphis, TN Wonders Series, Catherine the Great and Splendors of the Ottoman Sultans.

She spoiled me after the birth of Anna and Samuel. She would come over everyday at 5 PM for about 2 weeks and bring a full course meal.

She was much beloved by her siblings. Being the oldest girl she was almost like a second mother to them.

I miss her when the spring comes. She enjoyed gardening and was always puttering around the yard, even enjoying mowing the lawn. She was a birdwatcher, great cook and loving grandmother too.

Cloudy Day Brings Beautiful Sunshine

2008-02-26T19:46:00.006-06:00

The drive home this afternoon was cloudy. I was almost home and saw the most beautiful sight before me. I know you have seen this too! It reminds me of walking down a dark hallway and looking into the living room where all the lights are on. Everything around you is dark and right in the middle there is a bright spot. In this particular scene there is a break in the clouds and the sun shines against the white bark of the trees. Winter time is not void of color. There are the dark greens of cedar and pine, lighter greens in the winter grasses and blackish green of honeysuckle vine. The skies are varying shades of steel blue, charcoal gray and shades of white.

The Lord has done this, and it is marvelous in our eyes. This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:23-24

Mammogram and Ultrasound

2008-02-26T17:47:00.006-06:00

Today I returned to the Methodist Breast Center for a follow up mammogram and ultrasound after my needle biopsy in August. Everything is fine. The soreness I had was evidently from my Tae Kwon Do class. We learned the use of the Bo Staff and I had some discomfort after that class. I was concerned because it was on the same side as my biopsy. My instructor, Mrs. Wiggins, was right about it being a result of that Bo Staff. Thank goodness!

I had the nurses take the photos for me. I want to encourage you to take care of yourself and not wait because you're scared. Just go and ahead and do it and have peace of mind!

Hospice - My First Visit

2008-02-25T15:57:00.002-06:00

Today was my first visit to my first patient for hospice. What a blessing! The patient was upbeat today and wanted to talk. The patient talked for 2 of the 3 hours I was there. We covered talk about family, children, flowers and God's blessings. Some friends and family have wondered if I was ready to be a hospice volunteer. Yes, I'm ready. Today was a wonderful day. I shared myself with someone who needed a new refreshing face to talk with. Although a hospice patient is terminally ill, they are still living. Their road to death is marked whereas ours is not. They still love, feel, remember, and want the best for their family and friends. They are who they have always been and will be until they take their last breathe.

I'm looking forward to my next visit.

Thinking of Brent

2008-02-24T00:59:00.002-06:00

Brent has been in the forefront of my mind everyday since he died May 05, 2007. He's the first thing that comes to mind when I wake in the morning and my last thought at night before I drift off to sleep. Thoughts of him in all situations were fresh in my memory. Watching TV commercials or movies brought back conversations we'd had. I remembered where and what we were doing when we saw a particular movie, actors he liked and didn't like. When I was cooking dinner I would think about whether or not he would have enjoyed the meal. Listening to bluegrass songs filled my eyes with tears remembering how hard he worked to learn to play the mandolin and to learn to sing harmony. The last five years of his life playing bluegrass were his happiest.

Last Sunday I was cleaning house preparing for the Mother's Dinner on Tuesday evening. I was busy most of the day. Late afternoon I realized that I hadn't thought of him. I questioned if he were my first thought when I woke that morning. I couldn't remember. I wasn't upset but realized he was not in the forefront of my mind. It was as if the first folder in the filing cabinet labeled BRENT, had been moved back one space. Now, I realize that Brent is being pushed to the back of my mind. The saddest that I have felt, the clear, fresh memories of him lying in the hospital bed fighting for his life, are beginning to go away. For a while I wanted to look at the photos I took of him while he was at Johns Hopkins. Looking at photos of him from years ago left me brooding and forlorn. Now, those photos bring immense joy of the 26 years we had together.

When meeting new people I so want to be able to "show him off". He's not here for me to do that. But, I can bring honor to his memory and hopefully show him off through my blog. Not to make him a martyr or to put him on a pedestal, but to show how one man can love God, his wife, family, friends and how much he enjoyed living.

Hospice

2008-02-24T00:37:00.003-06:00

Hospice is health-care for the terminally ill that emphasizes pain control and emotional support for the patient and family. During my father's last days hospice was there to provide support for me and my family. I decided that after Daddy's death and when Brent was cured of his leukemia I would volunteer for hospice. After Brent's death I waited a while longer. On Saturday, February 16th I went to an all day hospice training. I received a call the following Thursday from hospice telling me I had my first patient if I was ready. Yes, I am ready. I will make my first visit as a hospice volunteer this coming Monday. I'm looking forward to making a difference for a family in this their greatest time of need. I will not be able to give any information about the patient, but I will be able to share how the experience is for me.

Mother's Dinner

2008-02-23T23:46:00.004-06:00

When I started homeschooling in 1989 I had a luncheon for homeschooling mothers. I had an ulterior motive in mind. I had lots of questions about homeschooling and thought the best way to have answers were straight from the mouths of those who were already doing it. That first luncheon in August of 1989 begin a tradition that has lasted all these years later. After the first luncheon I decided to have dinner in the evening. For three years the ladies came to our 600 sq.ft. duplex once a month to encourage one another, have a nice dinner and discuss homeschooling ideas. In August of 1992 I decided to take a break. I was pregnant with Samuel and wanted to slow down a little. The ladies begin to host the dinners in their homes. I was going to get back to having dinner at my house in a few months. In October of 1992 my mother had a brain aneurysm. She was in the hospital in ICU for 4 months before she died in February of 1993. My heart wasn't in it anymore. I felt a strong need to minister to my family, to make them the center of my attention. Brent and I bought our first house in 1993 and I had a Mother's Dinner in November of 1993. The ladies surprised me with a housewarming. It was so special. It was my last dinner for a long, long time.

The ladies continued to have the dinners in their homes and started many other traditions. Once a year they have a slumber party and stay all night talking and eating. Another tradition is during February. One or two of the ladies are chosen to be "Princesses for the Night". They are treated royally the whole night and given special gifts. (2nd photo).

After Brent's death I felt the need to have people around me. I've had three Mother's Dinners, one in July, one in October, and in this month of February. What a blessing. I'm able to share my gifts of service and hospitality. Our topic this month was organizing. I admitted to the ladies that I was a hoarder, clutterer and a messie! My sister, Grace, tells me that admitting there is a problem helps to overcome the problem! It was a great discussion. I gave away door prizes. #3-an organizing book, #2-I would come and clean their refrigerator, and the #1-Grand prize, 8 hours of my time to help them organize a room in their home.

To help encourage the ladies I will be posting some before and after photos of my cluttered and clutter FREE, organized spaces.

P.S. I was able to clear up one fact about those earlier Mother's Dinners. Some of the ladies did have to sit on wheat buckets, NOT bales of hay! :)

Valentine's Day Breakfast

2008-02-23T23:18:00.003-06:00

Abigail, my nine year old, made me an omelet for breakfast. She did a great job! She had a balloon for me, a card she had made and housecleaning coupons too! I knew she was up to something when she ask the night before about how do you make an omelet, how do you spell vacuum and some other little hints! When Brent and I decided to have another child we talked about what a blessing she would be in our old age! I was 44 when I had her. She has been a real blessing these past months since Brent's death. She is happy and cheerful most of the time, is always busy with this and that and full of questions about everything. My other two children, Samuel and Anna have done special things for me on special occasions. When your children give of themselves it is so rewarding. I am so blessed to have my children, each special in their own way.

Jammin' in the Forest

2008-02-23T21:51:00.004-06:00

Most everyone was watching or listening to the Memphis Tigers and Tennessee Vols play basketball tonight. The Tigers are #1 and the Vols #2. The Tigers lost 66 -62.

But, for a few, tonight was the first of hopefully many more bluegrass pickin's at our house. I think I'll call it, "Jammin' in the Forest". Pickers Tony Butler banjo, Mike Busby guitar and Harry Mclellan mandolin, came out and played for a couple of hours. Samuel joined them on the banjo. I had a big pot of White Chili and some cornbread, coffee and tea.

Samuel was over in the corner pickin'. Samuel is photo shy so I don't usually get a photo of him. You can hear him in the background pickin' banjo in the video clip above.

I've been wanting to have a pickin' at the house for a long time. There is always something going on in the world of bluegrass in our area. My decision was to just jump on in there and start. There is nothing quite like live bluegrass music to stir the soul, bring joy and fellowship. It's also a great way to help motivate me to keep my house clean and to have supper early! I'm looking forward to next Saturday night!

Jessie Playing Fiddle

2008-02-18T23:33:00.005-06:00

My friend Jessie playing a little bluegrass fiddle. Jessie is a sweet girl and also plays classical violin. Jessie sometimes plays fiddle for the bluegrass band, Sorghum Hill, which was the last band Brent played with before his death. Jessie and another friend Becky, who also plays fiddle, played twin fiddles at Brent's funeral. They played Ashokan's Farewell so beautifully. Samuel, Jessie and Tim(who plays banjo for Sorghum Hill) will play a banquet being held at the Peabody Hotel in Memphis. They were having a practice session.

2008-02-17T04:30:00.004-06:00

Our Friend Karen Has Dinner With Us

2008-02-17T04:18:00.004-06:00

Tuesday night our friend, Karen, came and ate dinner with us. We all enjoyed her visit. Karen and my husband, Brent, used to pick bluegrass together and also played in a bluegrass band together. We had a flatiron steak, baked sweet potatoes, Lima beans and a salad. We had a great time visiting. We'll have to do it again soon.

Lunch With Liz

2008-02-16T23:56:00.004-06:00

Lunch with a friend makes for a pleasant afternoon. I invited my friend, Liz, for lunch on Friday. I wanted to make a quiche but didn't have all the ingredients for it. Oh well, Pot Roast is just as good, especially with cornbread and some spinach. Liz enjoys chocolate so my mother's brownie recipe was the perfect thing to fix. Abigail wanted to participate in the preparation of lunch and decided to make a topping for the brownies. She mixed bananas, chocolate syrup and peanut butter together. It was a nice topping. We sat at the kitchen table awhile and then moved into the living room. We talked about this and that. We encouraged one another and were blessed by each other.

First Buttercup

2008-02-16T22:39:00.005-06:00

The first buttercup of the year always brings me joy and hope and is always a surprise. I found this one on Monday, February 4th. My mother planted these years ago. They've been there as long as I can remember. Sometimes the real surprise is when they bloom in January. My daughter, Anna, likes to see them in March which is her birth month. Buttercups are the jewel of late winter and hope for sunny days ahead.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

2008-02-16T21:48:00.005-06:00

Tuesday, January 29, 2008 was a very windy day! This was the week before the tornado weather we experienced here in the Mid-South on Tuesday, February 05, 2008.

Twilight

2008-02-04T03:32:00.002-06:00

The photo above shows you what I saw most of the days I was in Baltimore. From my bedroom window at the apartment I could look out over the harbor at sunset. The sky would be varying shades of pink, orange or gray. I would stand and watch the light of the sun fade into darkness. My favorite time was at twilight where you could still see the cars, buildings and ships clearly. The lights on the cars, ships and buildings were beginning to light up. You could see their reflections against the water and the streets. I enjoyed that scene day after day knowing it was my gift from God.

After Brent died I could reminisce about the previous year and bring to mind he was at work, talking to his friends on the phone, working in the yard, playing his mandolin, or getting ready for a band performance. Those memories brought joy to my heart. Now, as I remember the previous year the memories coming to my mind are heartbreaking. I think of how hard he was working to over come his leukemia. He was brave and didn't complain. He was fighting for his life. A life he knew was given to him by God, to be used for His glory. He was ready to leave this world if that's what God wanted. He was comfortable with that. His tears came realizing that death meant he was leaving me and the kids behind. When we were in the hospital room telling him goodbye his words of comfort to us were that "everything is going to be okay". His words were a source of consolation, and hope for our future. This was our twilight with Brent.

Breaking Boards

2008-02-02T04:44:00.002-06:00

Tonight was my third Tae Kwon Do class. I was able to break a board with an overhead hammer fist. Oh, I kid you not. When it was my turn I looked at Mrs. Wiggins, our instructor, and said, "Are you sure?" My first thought was, "I hope I don't hurt my hand or I will not be able to cook dinner". I took my practice turn and then when I was ready I yelled and hit that board. It broke in half. One of the mother's sitting on the side lines told me my eyes were open wide in disbelief that I had actually broken the board. Wow! I really couldn't believe that I had done it. My hand was stinging afterwards, but it didn't last long.

Abigail had her turn before me. She had also picked the overhead hammer fist. She tried twice on one board. Mrs. Wiggins found her a smaller board and she was able to break it with one try.

Taking Tae Kwon Do has renewed my knowledge of what my body is capable of. It still works! Mentally, I feel 20 lbs lighter. I am even able to crawl out of bed the next day. I look forward to class and seeing what my body can do.

Nice Sunday

2008-01-28T01:01:00.002-06:00

We were stopped at a 4 way stop and there was no traffic behind me, so I snapped this shot of the sunset over the cotton field.

We had a nice Sunday dinner with my in-laws. They have us over about once a month. It's a great time to catch up on what's going on with our families. On our way home we stopped by Guitar Center so Sam could check out some instruments. He likes to window shop. Abigail likes to crochet and wanted to stop in at Hobby Lobby and check out the yarn. They were closed. We headed to Blockbuster for some movies. It had been so long since I've rented movies. I did not have my card with me, but of course, they were able to find me in their system.

As we were headed down the highway we noticed our friends Jeannie and Dianna at the gas station. I turned the truck around hoping to catch them, but they were long gone. We stopped at several fast food joints thinking we could find them, but to no avail.

Oh life is so exciting! Well, it is if you pretend you are on a mission of some kind!

Tae Kwon Do

2008-01-25T13:37:00.002-06:00

Yes, that is a photo of me in a Tae Kwon Do outfit! My TKD outfit. Thursday was my first class. There were so many reasons I decided to take classes. The first, was the Friday afternoon there were two young men walking down my long driveway. I had no idea who they were. Why were they walking down my driveway? They had run off the road and wanted to know if I could help them. I told them I could not help them, but would call a wrecker for them. The wrecker service was not going to come out because they did not know under what circumstances they had run off the road. The young men were going to have to call. I drove up the driveway and found a neighbor down the road had stopped to help. All the years I was married to Brent I was secure in knowing he was my protector. It was a false sense of protection. Driving to the grocery store or to a friend's house anything could have happened to me. Those young men came at time Brent would have been at work. But, the reality of my life is that Brent is no longer here to love and protect me and the children. Now, I must make all the decisions for us.

Secondly, every week I take Abigail to Tae Kwon Do and sit on the sidelines and watch her kick, punch and spar. I go home and do no exercise. I finally figured out that since I'm already taking Abigail three times a week I might as well take classes too. I do not have to make arrangements to go to a gym or Curves for Women and wonder how I am going to fit it all in. I'm already there! No extra gas to spend and I get my classes half price.

I filled out the required form for Tae Kwon Do. There was a question on the form, "What do you expect to get out of Tae Kwon Do?" My answer was exercise, self confidence and self defense.

Excitement, sadness and concern filled my mind as I drove to my first class. Tears came to my eyes realizing that I would not have even considered taking the class if Brent were still here. Oh, the embarrassment of it all! I had to order the largest outfit, I'm out of shape, people are going to laugh at me, will I be able to get up and down off the floor for those push ups, will my memory be adequate to remember the student oath, and what part of my body is going to hurt?????? My bluegrassin' friends can relate to my first class. Do you remember your first jam? Everybody knew what they were doing. Each instrument plays at a different time and yet it all goes together to get that sound. Each picker knows when it comes their time to take their break, the singers know how to harmonize and you are standing in the background just trying to keep time. Well, everybody in the class knew their pattern, knew the right vocal responses to the instructors, and they knew how to kick and punch. I had to jump right in and start in the middle. The instructor, Mr. Corliss a second degree black belt, wasted no time having us stretch, ouch. We even had to do some push ups. Thank goodness there was no one behind me! After awhile, Mr. Corliss, had the lower belts go in the back to work on our kicks. Thankfully, it was an adult class. The average adult age, maybe 20. There was one adult man in the class with his two young sons and nephew. Chris was his name. He took the time to help me get started on my pattern. He and his sons and nephew were white belts like me. All these past seven months of watching Abigail made me think it was not so hard to do. Trying to balance on one leg, lift the other one and kick and then reverse punch is much for this 53 year old. I am the oldest one taking classes. The runner up is five years younger than me. I expected to be very sore the next day, but to my surprise I was not. Hopefully, I will catch on pretty quick. I guess I'll have to get a poster of Chuck Norris, 8th degree black belt!

Cloudy Days Are Beautiful Too

2008-01-22T23:10:00.002-06:00

Cold winter days are full of beauty. There is such a contrast between the gray sky and dark brown trunks of the trees. There is always a little green somewhere.

Nandina

2008-01-22T22:16:00.002-06:00

Nandina domestica, Heavenly Bamboo

These are great plants for home gardens. The photo above is of the nandina my mother planted many years ago. They are green all year and in the winter they have shades of red and even bronze in them. Of course, there are the beautiful red clusters of berries. I use them all through the year for table settings. My grandmother, Reba, use to say you could always find something from the yard/garden to use as a table setting.

Felines

2008-01-21T12:26:00.001-06:00

Momma, Mrs. Bigglesworth, and one of her kittens soaking up the sun.

2008-01-15T10:03:00.001-06:00

Lisa Ray, fiddler and Kenny Cantrell, banjo of Cedar Hill.

On Saturday night, January 12, 2008 my friend Roseann and I drove to Jonesboro, AR for the 25th Annual United Cerebral Palsy Bluegrass Benefit Show presented by The Northeast Arkansas Bluegrass Association. The entertainment lineup was wonderful. Living Grace from Central Arkansas, Crowley's Ridge Cloggers, UCP Superstar: Briana Hackworth, Cedar Hill from Missouri, and the Keisler Brothers from Northeast Arkansas. The benefit raised over $3600.00.

Memories Bring Sadness and Joy

2008-01-11T02:08:00.001-06:00

This photo of Brent and Samuel was taken in February 1994. Samuel liked to be involved in everything Brent was doing.

Brent. I think about him everyday. I watch a movie and remember the first time we saw it together. Commercials bring back memories of our making fun of them, as well as the food I prepare. He could pick the best midnight snacks. I catch myself speaking of him in the present tense. Do I say "my" children or "our" children? He "liked" not he "likes" or some such phrase comes to mind. For several months after his death all I could see were imagines of him his hospital room. Now, my mind goes to happy and pleasant thoughts of him. Sadness washes over me and makes me feel so alone. Alone? Oh, I'm not alone. My children are always near and there are friends to call. Thankfully, I am an optimistic person and the sadness does not stay for long.

Last Sunday the kids and I went to a Sorghum Hill band practice. Tim, the banjo player was ill and they asked Samuel to come and play banjo. It was a great afternoon. Phil, lead singer and guitar player, had written three songs inspired by Brent. He sang them for me. Oh, I cried and it felt so good to cry. The songs are beautiful. The bands latest CD has been dedicated to Brent. One dollar for each CD sold will be donated to the Leukemia Society. They loved Brent so much and miss him.

Katherine Irene Shirley Davis

2007-12-28T13:31:00.001-06:00

The paragraph below was written by our friend J. T. Coleman. He was with us during the delivery of our third child, Katie. J. T. expresses in his own words, what my heart was feeling. I'm so glad that he took the time to write these words at the moment Katie was being born. It was written on the back of an envelope. (Helen)

As I sit here I contemplate all the things I'm witnessing. It's 2:05 am. Helen is in her later stages of labor. Brent & Grace are by her side. The baby has just been delivered & as the information had revealed our worst fears are confirmed she is stillborn. Nine months of waiting, worry, wondering are over. The hopes of a father & mother are gone, washed away with the death of their beautiful little girl. But even at this time the grace, mercy & strength of the Lord are evident. There is an understanding that this is only a physical death and that there will be a reunion in the heavens. I don't pretend to understand to understand why. I only know that we belong to God and I believe that his grace will carry this family through this tragedy. Even now I hear Brent and Helen saying God has a purpose in this even though it's not clear to us. Father, thank you for your comfort and mercy that will be needed in the days to come and thank you for caring for Katie and protecting her and keeping her until that special day her family is reunited with her. Thank you for caring for us, your children.

J. T. Coleman
Dec 28, 1996

Brent, Happy 50th Birthday

2007-12-21T14:44:00.001-06:00

Brent Lee Davis, December 21, 1957 - May 05, 2007.

Christmas 2000

Autumn Leaves Falling

2007-12-20T05:30:00.001-06:00

This video of my front yard was taken on November 14, 2007. The voice in the background is my friend JT. He and his workers were at the house doing some work. The fall colors were so beautiful this year. They seemed to linger for weeks.

Abigail Receives Her Green Belt

2007-12-20T01:43:00.001-06:00

Friday, November 16, 2007 Abigail and her Tae Kwon Do instructors Mr. and Mrs Wiggins. Abigail had tested this night for her green belt. She enjoys her classes and is getting use to sparring. She should be a black belt in about 24 months.

Saying Goodbye To Barbara

2007-10-26T13:22:00.001-05:00

Today I went to visit my friend, Barbara Bolding Timbs. She is on the far right of the photo in the skirt. She is in the hospital dying of cancer. I walked into the room and went to her bedside. She had a small smile for me. I told her I had come to tell her goodbye. She raised her arm to give me a hug. I leaned down and kissed her forehead, as she whispered goodbye and I love you. I ask her to tell Brent hello. I also told her I would ask her to tell him I miss him. But, Brent would be singing with the angels the praises of Jesus and he knows no sorrow and has no tears.

I certainly wish that David, her husband, and her children, Sharon, Beth, Lydia, Micah and Becca did not have to experience her dying. I do know that God will take care of them. He will give them mercy, peace and grace.

How do you say goodbye? You just say it. There is comfort for you, your friend and their family when you do.

We all like to attend weddings and visit when a baby is born. Those are joyous occasions. Let us not forget our friends and family when it is their time to die. As a Christian, dying is also a joyous occasion. It is our homecoming to our Lord Jesus Christ. Our hope is heaven.

Helen

Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His godly ones. Psalm 116:15

Wild Cherries

2007-09-26T23:35:00.002-05:00

One summer Brent asked me if I would like to make some wild cherry jelly. Why would he ask me that you ask? He knew I liked canning. He also knew I enjoyed giving homemade jellies at Christmas time. With no hesitation I said yes. He offered to pick them and to help me pit them. Brent trekked off to the back of the property with a one gallon ice cream bucket. About an hour later he returned with a full gallon of pea sized wild cherries. I had a big smile of my face. It was so sweet of him to think of the idea and to me, it was romantic. He always did say I was a low maintenance wife! Living off the land, making do, and not spending much money on food or entertainment appeals to me. We stood in the kitchen and washed the cherries and pitted them. We talked about his adventure. Some of those cherries were high in the trees and hard to get, he walked in bramble, and all that picking only gave us a gallon. We talked about how good that wild cherry jelly would taste. We stood side by side and talked about other things as well. I made the jelly and came out with one case of 12 jars either 6 or 8 ounce jars. I gave a few to friends and we ate the rest. When I pulled out that last jar of wild cherry jelly I remembered what a pleasant time we had. Today I still remember what a wonderful day that was.

Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Proverbs 16:24

Mowing The Lawn

2007-09-16T19:52:00.001-05:00

Mowing the lawn is a pleasant experience for me. The last time I cut grass was sometime during the summer of 2005. We were living at our home on Rankin Branch at the time. We moved in with my father in March 2006. Brent and Sam mowed the lawn. I was to busy taking care of Daddy. Sam has mowed this year. The lawn needed some tender loving care. It was great. When I'm on that riding mower my mind has time to think.

Growing up my father used a push mower to cut the grass. When my brother was old enough he mowed the lawn. I moved away from home having never cut the grass at my parents home. The memories of my childhood came flooding back to me. We had a swing. A metal pipe frame with two swings and a bar to hang from. There were three spots over the years where we burned our trash. I can remember playing on the large propane tank pretending it was a horse. The two maple trees in the front yard were planted when I was 11 years old. I do have a photograph, taken of me sitting front of that maple tree as a young girl. I'll try to find it, scan it and insert it in this post. The old oak tree where we had a tree house still stands. We've had family reunions in the front yard, sunbathed, and played under the gutters when it rained.

When I was 13 I ask my mother if I could have the house when she and Daddy died. She and Daddy remembered my request. My mother passed February 27, 1993. Daddy continued to live in the house. My sister and I decided that Daddy either needed someone to live with him or needed to live in a nursing home. On March 13, 2006 Grace found Daddy laying across the kitchen table. He could not sit down or stand up. Grace called 911. He had not broken any bones, but he was really sore. His dementia was very noticeable. Between the dementia and the soreness of his ribs he had to have someone stay with him. Grace and I took turns staying with him. Daddy had several more falls. The time had come to make the decision of our lives. Brent told me he would support whatever decision I made. Taking care of Daddy at home was what I wanted. Brent, the kids and I moved in with Daddy on March 23, 2006. In hindsight I can see how God was moving in our lives. We sold our home and were now living in a home that was paid for. For 8 months I took care of Daddy until he passed away on November 10, 2006.

My care giving shifted from Daddy to Brent. During all this time my body was going through menopause. The first day of my last period was May 03, 2006. May 03, 2007 I had not had a period in one year. Menopause! It was also the day we found out Brent's leukemia had come back. God's timing is perfect. My husband died, but God was taking care of me and the children. We had a home that was paid for, I was through menopause and Brent had insurance, a pension and social security to take care of us. Brent was always thankful for his job which provided great benefits. With a hospital bill of around $360,000.00 my payment in the end was $808.00.

Thank you for Lord for my husband Brent. Thank you Brent for your love and support. Thank you for your hard work through the years. Thank you for telling me to drive the lawn mower slowly through tall grass at the highest setting so I wouldn't burn the motor or the belt. Thank you for telling me I need to check the oil in the mower. Thank you that I know where to go if I need work done on the mower. Thank you for helping me to understand why I need to save the paperwork on the mower. Thank you Brent for cutting Betty Ingram's yard. She loved you so much. You came at a time when she and Maurice needed you. Maurice couldn't take care of the yard anymore after his stroke. They trusted you. After Maurice died you continued to cut her grass. You would stay afterwards and talk with her and let her cry on your shoulder. She still misses Maurice. When she needed help with things around the house you would help her. Thank you for being an example to the children on the importance of helping widows. Thank you Lord that Brent and I talked about these things. Thank you that I was able to tell him how important he was to Betty.

Instruct those who are rich in this present world not to be conceited or to fix their hope on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly supplies us with all things to enjoy.
Instruct them to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share,
storing up for themselves the treasure of a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is life indeed.

1 Timothy 6:17-19

Light To My Path

2007-09-15T12:43:00.002-05:00

God's plan for Brent's life on this earth was completed on Saturday, May 05, 2007 at 11:55 AM at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore, MD. He was 49 years old. We would have been married 26 years on May 16, 2007. I could ask, "Why God?" "Why did you take my husband from me, and the children's father." The answer is because God said, "I am."

December 28, 1996 Brent and I had a still birth daughter, Katherine Irene Shirley "Katie" Davis. Brent took the news extremely hard. He did not want to talk about it. Every time he did he would get a terrible headache. He would ask God why did he take Katie. He just could not understand.
Brent was diagnosed with CMML leukemia on Monday, June 26, 2006. Of course, we felt as if we had been hit with a two by four. There were so many questions we wanted to ask the doctor, but did not know where to start. Brent did ask the question, "Why God?" Brent told me that God's answer to him was, "I am." He accepted God's plan for his life. He said that whatever God chose to do with his life he would accept. He did not want to leave me and the children but he knew God's plan was perfect for us.

From June 26, 2006 to May 05, 2007 Brent enjoyed as many moments as he could. He continued to play bluegrass music, spent time with me and the children, went fishing with his friend Larry, and talked with his family and friends. Depression would hit him some days but it did not last long. He lived each day that God gave to him.

Now, I wake each day knowing that God gave me a new day. Brent would want it that way.

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23